Kingdom-Dad was lucky enough to catch up with this very talented and super busy dad.
To learn more about what he’s been up to: www.imdb.com
How old are you? 40
Where were you born? Madison, Wisconsin
When did you come to NYC & why? I came to New York at the end of 1996 for acting. I had been working in Chicago and had just done a season at the Stratford Shakespeare Festival in Canada. I just came here with a bit of money in my pockets, not enough of course, looking for a gig.
When and how did you decide to become an actor? It was in college when I was a football player but was also doing the school plays. Basically when I was twenty as a political science major when most of my friends were getting ready to take the LSAT and preparing for law school that I realized that the idea of not working in the theater seemed very troubling to me. And luckily like it is so often when you get to a point in your life when you have to make these kinds of decisions it’s the people around you that really make a difference. And I had some great professors around me who had directed me in these plays and said “ look, for what’s it’s worth, we think if you want to pursue this then you should go for it.” And they encouraged me to do that so instead of going to law school I went to graduate school for acting and got an MFA at the University of Illinois. After that I headed to Chicago and started working there. My first real acting job I got was as an understudy along with Bobby Cannavale at the Roundabout Theater Company in a play that Bill Erwin. I totally worked my way up as it were. And I would definitely say the best job I’ve had is the job I have right now working on Nurse Jackie.
And why is that? Because I get to do what I know how to do and what I love to do. I get to work with amazing people. I play Edie Falco’s husband so I work with her every day and it’s here New York I didn’t have to go to L.A to do it. This is Ideal. I’ve been based in New York my whole professional career. I mean I’ve been out to L.A. and worked out there, I like L.A. but I have now real desire to move there on any kind of permanent basis.
What is it about NYC? I think in New York you can have a normal life it’s a real place where it’s a mix of everything and everybody not just in terms of multiculturalism but also the diversity of professions. And you know when you’re in L.A. as well you know, everything is about the business. There are times when that’s great and your part of something pumping and cool and you’ve got your hand on the beat, but when there’s down time in L.A. it’s awful.
What were some of the worst jobs you’ve ever had? I was hired when I was Junior in high school and was trying to make some money so I could go on spring break with my buddies so I worked at McDonalds but the only time I could work was the 5am shift on a Saturday. The first thing I had to to at 5:30 in the morning was clean the bathrooms and you can imagine what that was like after a Friday night. I lasted about a month, until I decided that there’s no amount of money to keep me doing that. But that reminds me that I had some funny day jobs when I first got to New York. One time I was hired to count people going in and out of an elevator by the Otis Elevator Company. Spent three days in a high rise just going up and down. I was hired to demonstrate how to use toys at FAO Schwarz my first Christmas, in 1996. I remember the director & actor Tim Robbins came in and I was just dying inside going “no I’m an actor” and he’s like “can you tell me about this toy” And you know I did the traditional stuff. And speaking of 911 I worked as a temp in the summer of 1997 for Cantor Fitzgerald on one of the top floors in One World Trade Center, there the company that lost out of their 600 or so employees, they lost like 2/3 of them. One time I got hired to get dressed up as superman and go to the Jacob Javits Center and stand in a booth for two days and hand out flyers and shit.
How did you get your start? Well for sure it’s been a slow thing. You know you meet people along the way and it takes some luck and it takes finding people who can introduce you to people who can actually hire you. It’s been many little steps to get to this point where I’m making my living at it and it’s my career. It’s definitely been a long road. I did theater mostly through my twenties and then started to do some TV work right when I turned thirty. But you know still it’s in fit’s and starts just because you get a couple of gigs TV doesn’t mean you all of the sudden are getting steady work on television.
Are you interested in working in film? I guess I’ve done around a dozen, mostly independent films some of which have never seen the light of day, which is as you know just the nature of the beast. I think the biggest movie I’ve ever been on had a budget of around $15 million which, you know in movie terms is not big. So now that I’ve got a regular gig on TV that’s the next thing I’m heavily pursuing.
When & where did you meet your partner? We met while rehearsing a play together here in the city and then took it down to the Kennedy Center in D.C. We had some mutual friends so we kind of knew of each other a little bit but we never really met or hung out. So we played love interests in this play and toward the end of the run we just carried it over into real life.
That seems to happen often on movie sets, do you have any tools or devices you use to keep your mind clear to realities?
Well hopefully it only happens once. I’ve always been a faithful guy, when I’m with a women I’m with that women, you know. I mean we’re all men and have the normal thoughts that men have or women too I guess, we’re human and we’re attracted to all kinds of people. Funny because when we got married we gave an interview about actors “hooking up” and I remember we both sort of said that “you know we’re basically normal good people who just so happen to be actors”. Now that I have kids it’s a whole different ball game. When I was in my twenties I dated a lot, and if I hooked up with an actress or whatever I kind of new it was just temporary. But when I met Ilana and we started talking about wanting to get married and having kids it became a whole different thing. I think it’s not uncommon for actors to hook up but I got that out of my system and now I’m happily married and it’s all good.
How many kids do you have? Georgia 6.5 years & Caleb is 4.
What do you consider the hardest obstacle to manage as a dad in business or as an artist? I think it’s two fold, one it’s finding time to do the things you’d like to do with your kids on a consistent basis. I mean I can always find time for the special stuff that happen like presentations at school or the little field trips. But just the every day, finding that time to read to them or be there at meal time or bed time. My schedule’s so wacky that I can be that person for weeks or months at a time and then I’m gone. Like right now I’m doing a play and I haven’t put my kids to bed for over a month, because I’m at the theater. And the other part of that is once you do have the time, just to actually focus 100% on them. My intention is to always be genuine and pure that way, like “I’m just daddy right now” but how often can we be just one thing, be “just daddy” right now? I’m not worrying about my job, I’m not worrying about getting this done or that done, you know trying to get in-roads here of there or whatever. I’m just daddy, that’s hard man! It’s hard to focus like that but you know they deserve it and hopefully we’re better at it more often than not.
What’s your definition of free? Hmm, that’s a great question. I would say waking up in the morning and not having to report to anybody else. Not having to shape my day based on other peoples demands and desires. I mean obviously there’s “free” and then there’s “free”. We all have a structure we have to fall into once we’ve agreed to participate in a job or any other structured type of situation. I guess it comes down to if I want to be there. It’s doing something that I want to do. You know my dad went to work at Oscar Mayer for 40 years and every morning he said he’d get to the office, sit down at his desk and just feel a little sick to his stomach. He’d have a cup of coffee, sort of settle down and he’d make it work. As a young man he was a musician and had the soul of an artist. I think that really played on me as a kid growing up and I realize very clearly that I didn’t want to have to “report to the man” every morning. Not that you can’t find freedom within that, I think people do and I certainly don’t want to come across as somebody who thinks less of someone who has that kind of life. There are perks, with that life comes a steady paycheck and a stable life and of course another type of freedom to do things because you know you have that and can maybe spend your free time in a different way. The idea that I get to spend most of my life doing something I enjoy and not just because it’s what sustains me is a big part of what I call being free.
Do you feel rushed? Often, yes I feel like there’s an internal clock that drives, I think most of us, especially in NY. Having grown up in the Midwest I know what it’s like to have a slower pace and not be so rushed. But I was drawn even as a young child to a driven sort of schedule, the energy I wanted to be around people who had lots of energy and who were pushing themselves. I wish I could settle down or settle in and “smell the roses” as it were but at the same time too much of that makes me go nuts. We’ve made it a family tradition to go to Martha’s Vineyard every summer for two weeks and about a week into it, I’m like “I gotta get out of here”. It’s a balance.
What is your greatest fear? I have a bunch of them. I fear for my kids. There is definitely nothing worse that could happen to me than if something were to happen to my kids. But also I fear on a professional level I fear long stretches of unemployment, ha ha. Maybe more than that I fear or feeling anyway that I matter. That what I do is a legitimate contribution to the world that I’m in. I remember speaking with a girl I was dating at the time and would tell her my dreams of becoming a “big actor” and she’s like “can’t you just be an actor” and I thought yes and ultimately that’s the goal, but if I don’t dream then it undermines my perception of what’s possible in the world. I never wanted to be just Ok at what I was doing. So I have this fear that I’m not pushing my self or making the best effort I can make or raising my game with each day with each year with each job. Wanting to continue to get better and better. I fear stagnation & mediocrity. I don’t know maybe that’s highfalutin. I also fear death. (he laughs) I wake up at 3am and have these irrational feelings about what will happen and about life and death. And then I get up in the morning and think what the fuck? The sun brings a calm and a confidence that I don’t have in the middle of the night, kind of crazy. I’m not afraid of the dark, I just know that when I wake up in the middle of the night I often have this anxiety that I don’t have during my waking life.
What is your greatest joy? My children.
How would you define love? I think love is knowing that no matter what happens you’re still going to be together and that you’ll work through anything. Love is bringing out the best in each other and you should be at your best when you’re with your partner. If you’re not the best when you’re with your partner then maybe not with the right person.
Do you cook, what’s your favorite meal? I don’t cook, but I like to eat. I like spicy food. I like ethnic food. I love middle eastern hummus & baba ganoush. I love Mexican food. I love food that has a kick to it.
Do you drink coffee & how many cups per day? 3 – 4.
Do you like to travel how often, favorite climate? I travel all the time and love it but my favorite place or weather would be the beach.
If you could live anywhere on earth where would it be? A big city, but I guess not just any big city it would have to be New York or London.
How do you pamper your partner? I love to get Ilana this recurring gift of a massage at Bliss Spa.
What’s your favorite pastime as a family? This annual two weeks we spend together in Martha’s Vineyard.
How often do you speak to your mother and or father? Often, every day I just pick up the phone. I didn’t do that 10 years ago when long distance was what it was but now it’s so easy.
How do in-laws affect your life? I’m very close with both of them.
What role does religion play in your life and how important do you consider some form of faith or religion has on the development of your child? Religion plays a significant role in my life. I was raised catholic, converted to Judaism. I’ve always felt a connection to a spiritual side. I don’t necessarily practice my religion in any sort of day to day strict way although there are certain ways in which I practice. With respect to raising children I think faith of any kind is actually very valuable. Going back to when I was speaking earlier about doing something that mattered and actually contributing in a meaningful way both on a personal and professional level takes me back to a time when I was a child and I felt empowered by this idea that there was this higher power and that he, she, it. whatever it is, cared about me. That my life mattered that this isn’t just some sort of random goings on here. Not to devalue the scientific side of this, because there’s nothing that drives me crazier than when people want to fight the teachings of evolution or other hard sciences. You know I’ve been on this planet for forty years and I know that there’s so much that we don’t understand and for me to think that I know all the answers through just a science book or things that are in front of me tangible and logical is just naive. I know that religions get used in a hateful ways and wars are fought over them and that’s unfortunate. But to say that all we need to know about the world are things that we can observe and calculate and explain through science and math, as an artists I know that’s a total 100% crock of shit. Because there are things that I see and feel that no scientist or doctor could ever explain to me, I know it. To the extent that I know anything, to the extent that I’m alive. I can’t prove it or put it down on paper, but I know it. And if that’s not true then you might as well say that I’m not true or I don’t existed because that’s at the core of who I am.
Do you limit TV? We try but it’s very hard. I think trying goes a long way at least the kid has a sense that there is a limit and the TV shouldn’t be on all the time. I think my kids understand that playing and reading are so much more rewarding than television.
What is your favorite time of the day? Just before I go to bed, which is funny because I’m fine then a few hours later if I wake up I’m totally fucked, ha, ha.
Are you prepared for a disaster, do you have a plan for where to meet etc? No, not in any real way.
Favorite movie, book, car, shoes, actor, music? Actors, Montegomery Clift. I think the greatest actor of all time was Marlon Brando hands down, but everybody says that so I’m not adding anything to the conversation. Books, I like to read history and lately books on the Civil War. Music I like the old 70’s Rock & Roll, CCR, Eagles, Led Zeppelin. No synthesizers.
What do you consider the most important thing that a father can teach a child, if you could choose one basic principle to share and pass down to your kid what would it be? With out a doubt hard work. That’s it for me in a nutshell other than the basics that you’re loved. I think to teach a child that they can do anything if they work for it. I would add that along with hard work that a real love of reading is so important because it opens up so many doors and luckily I’ve got a daughter who’s obsessed with reading. I think it’s very important to work towards giving them a strong sense of self & encourage them to be thoughtful & ethical people.
Facebook