MIGUEL AYUSO, EL OAXCANITE
Hey Miguel, so great we finally got a moment to sit together, how’s it going ? Great!
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Bill Kay, Evolutionary!
Images & Interview by Isak Tiner
How old are you? 41
Where were you born? Warren, Ohio
When & why did you come to NYC? I came in 1998. I had been living in Washington D.C. working in an AD agency and I just new I wanted to get into something other than “advertising”. I moved here wanting to be a screenwriter, I wanted to direct & maybe even act which I did and enjoyed it but turns out it wasn’t my true calling. I put a lot of passion and all my energy into but it just wasn’t fulfilling. Nor was the return I just kept missing the mark it seemed. It took a while to come to those terms being that I’d uprooted and Cecilia had moved up too and we started our family here and I started thinking “what am I doing here” and looked for a change.
What was the first job you nabbed? I was a PA on a Banco Mexico commercial, the national bank of Mexico, driving a truck and setting up gear on location in the city. I loved it, the process, the collaboration, the cameras.
What were the best & worst jobs you can remember? The best job initially was working on a documentary. I think it was over funded if that’s possible. The filmmaker had a nice sum of money but she didn’t have a central story. So for about a year we shot and shot and shot tons of interviews about Irish arts and culture, a pretty wide-open subject. In the end the director tried to sell it to TV which sadly never happened. For me it was amazing, I got an introduction into the process of creating a film, traveled to Ireland and made a bunch of new friends. That was a fun time, I mean, it was hell, but fun to be a be a part of that. I think the worst job was working on a Missy Elliot music video. Music videos suck! It had a huge 4 million budget and just three days to shoot it. And you’d think that that much money would make it easier but it doesn’t. They don’t necessarily hire 4 million dollars worth of labor, you get $390,000 worth of props, lights, locations & expendables and then the rest goes to like 30 people pulling off the insane, workings 18-19 hour days.
As a photojournalist what do you care about most? Telling stories of people who stand up for something they believe in and aren’t necessarily recognized for that. People in conflict zones, people stricken by poverty or whatever odds they’re up against. Championing those who fight for rights whether human right or for equal rights. I just have an admiration for those who are willing to step up to the line and let their voices be heard. It could be throwing rocks against oppressive forces or organizing a rally so that a small population can be heard. I think there is something nice about witnessing the human condition and seeing people coming together to champion a cause. To everyone else it’s can be just a headline and to them it’s their life’s work.
Do you think we need more of a revolutionary perspective in this country? I think we are seeing it now, from Katrina to the Haitian earthquake, and now with the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, I think more and more people are becoming more socially aware of our impact on the environment and our potential during times of natural disasters. You know, it’s not a measure of a person’s success or status that makes you who you are when it all goes down like that but even more so what it is these people are doing. They don’t have movie stars who can lend millions of dollars or corporations who can assist but there are people who are just packing their bags and going somewhere like Louisiana, to try and wash oil off birds. Not that I would like to see another bureaucracy, but I’d like to see some sort of national movement or agency that encourages possibly trains and readies people in order to mobilize or be on call as a civil force to let’s say, head down to a small town in Oklahoma that was just wiped out by a tornado. I think that would be very interesting to have that for a country this size.
When & where did you meet your wife? Well we’ve been married 9 years and met in Washington D.C. basically walking down the street. I had just quit my job and two weeks to make my rounds and say my goodbyes to my friends etc. I was meeting my buddy at a bar and as I turned the corner and saw this woman out of the corner of my eye and thought huh, something tells me I’m going to get to know this person. I just somehow knew that this person would be a part of my life in some way, I didn’t know in which way. So from like 20 yards away, out of the corner of my eye I just had some sort of feeling. Apparently she had the same felling about me too. So we kept walking and joined up and just started talking as if we were friends who hadn’t seen each other in awhile. Popped into a bar, had a drink, told her that I was moving to New York. So we hung out for those two weeks managed a long distance relationship and then she moved up about a year later. We’ve been together ever since.
How was being a parent at the beginning for you? When we first had Phoenix, we had it in our minds that this child would become a part of “our life”. We weren’t going to use having a child as an excuse to stay in or fall back on friends. Soon after he was born we were at happy hours or brunch or whatever, you make do and if you’re cool with a stroller and respectful of other people without having a sense of entitlement like you own the place, especially in New York, it’s one of the easiest places that I’ve lived to have a child. You can still go everywhere and still have a social life, yet be a responsible parent. To simply incorporate fully the child into your life. Whether it’s pushing a stroller around or having a child strapped to your chest I think a lot of parents can use, and rightfully so, not to judge but it’s easy to use having a child as an excuse to not go out and do what you love to do.
What do you consider the hardest obstacle to manage as a dad in business or as an artist? Just managing your time, I mean I’m not the type of person who has to be doing something all the time, I enjoy my down time. If I have 4-5 hours I enjoy to read a book or watch something but when you have a kid and you have to get him to school on time and you’ve been out till 4 in the morning drinking, it can get rough. It really comes down managing my professional life with my personal family responsibilities. I would say that’s the biggest challenge, one that I’m always refining.
What’s your definition of “free”? My definition of free is knowing that you’re not going to allow anyone thing or situation to keep you from your dream or what it is you want to do. The notion that if you’re committed to something that you’ll find or make your path. This belief led me back to still photography, I always had a camera with me and it allowed me to make that connection again and transition from video back to what I felt truly connected to. That sense of freedom that “I can do this” and that I’m not locked down into any one thing. My wife and I have this same shared belief, and we support each other in this idea that if you want something it’s yours for the taking and you just have to make it happen. I make excuses myself at times but it’s more common that I to put myself back in check. I think “freedom resides in your mind” of course someone else living in a third world country might have a totally different view of what “being free” is, you know, I say as a white guy living in the states.
Do you feel rushed? At times I do… yeah, I’m always, deadline oriented, a lot of times I feel rushed to complete a job, pay bills, get the car washed or whatever it is. As much as don’t like to sit and plan my day, now I need to do more of that. This is my reality right now, like the fact I have to pick my son up from school in 48 mins. I have push myself as best I can to use that time to work or get more work. If at the end of the day I can say that I spent that day well, not that I’m 100% efficient, I don’t know if anyone is but, most of the time I feel pretty good about how my day went. I use the phone alarms to help me stay on track.
What is your greatest fear? Not having enough time in my life to be around, to watch my son grow. You know my father’s pushing 70 and I get as you age you gain perspective about the people who are close to you. Understanding that circle of life & death and that everything must come to an end. Every now and again I’m reminded of that and It’s motivating to be more conscious, to be in the “now”, to be honest, to love and just to put it out there. If I get hit by a bus on the way up to school at least I’ll know that I lived my life in as honorable a sort of way as I could and have few regrets or major hang-ups. I’m here for this moment in time, this is my circle of life right now, my family my community, and out of that what art can I create. What will my life say about me and those around me.
What is your greatest joy? As cliché as it may sound, spending time with family, going on an adventure, just simply being able to enjoy the moments regardless of what the activity is, just being together.
How would you define love? For me love is the feeling like you don’t want to be without that person, would do anything for them or make happen to be with them. Then there’s that feeling where you might see a total stranger on the street and connecting with them. Beyond meeting your wife or your spouse, but you might fall in love with that stranger for no apparent reason, not in a physical sense but it’s a feeling or a sensation that tells you “there’s something powerful here”. For me I’ve noticed that the more I put it out there and then take a step back to put things in perspective, I see it come back at me. I think it’s easy to get bogged down by problems big or small and mine are very small in comparison to everyone else on this planet. I’d much rather walk down street feeling good about myself and other people than having something in the back of my mind telling my I could do something better or I need to move quicker or judging one’s self and being too critical of yourself. I don’t think that does me or possibly anyone much good. I try to remain present and appreciative and spread the love.
Do you cook & what’s your favorite meal? Cooking for me is like a hobby. Every now and then I’ll get inspired and look up a recipe and make something happen like lentil burgers or portobello sandwiches, but I’m not very good at coming home and making dinner, I’d rather order out. I’m not veg but I’ve definitely have cut back on my meat intake although I don’t know if I could never give up a steak or chicken wings, honestly or pepperoni. My favorite meal is steak & potatoes with a side salad and some vegetables.
Do you like to travel & what’s your favorite climate? I do travel and I like to. If I could choose it would be tropical. I would live in Greece on a little island have some olive trees and goats. I’m not a fan of snow. I’ve had my share of seasons, they’re beautiful but if I could park myself on a Mediterranean island, or Key West maybe. I’d even do southern California. Someplace near the ocean. I’m actually going to Huanta, Peru in a few weeks as a volunteer to work helping repair infrastructure in remote jungle villages with an agency called Southern Cross Humanitarian they work throughout Central and South America. The projects might include building school, repairing roofs, fixing a water pumps, etc.
How do you pamper yourself or your partner? We like to go out once or twice a week to dinner, movie show, or to the Bell House this fantastic new music venue. We’ve found a few really good baby sitters.
What do you call fun? Fun is a bunch a people at a beach house for the weekend. Fun is traveling to see friends. Going hiking. Having a nice conversation, while driving to Ohio.
What’s your favorite pastime as a family, and or alone? Beach life. We love to go bowling at a few places in NJ. We like the Silver Ball Pinball Museum, in Asbury Park we might go there and play 4 hours of pinball, he smiles.
How often do you speak to your mother and or father? Both are living and we speak at least once a week on phone or I chat. Just last night Phoenix was speaking to them on the computer which is kind of strange but that’s how people communicate now.
What role does religion play in your life and how important do you consider some form of faith to have on the development of your child? I think faith is a huge factor in a child’s development however you choose to incorporate that whether it be organizied religion or simply being spiritual. I’m not a fan of organized religion and I think recently I’ve taken on more of an atheist perspective on heaven and hell and how the world was created. We do our best every day to show our son that you need to have faith. Whether it’s faith in the unknown and that’s fine or ”faith in the basic goodness in humanity” I believe we’re are all “born good” and get corrupted by politics and religion.
Do you limit TV, video games? We do, limit, we allow TV, one show at a time, maybe two. He likes Nick jr. We’ve been watching more films with him, connecting him at an early age to masters like Buster Keaton, Marx Bros, Burns & Allen, even the Three Stooges. Video games not too much but I do have my Atari 2600. He recently got a pre-school learning game but it’s not an every day thing. Even when we travel we don’t just automatically put on a movie and try to encourage conversation. Imagine if we were stuck in a box, how would we pass the time together, how would we get by without our phones or devices. All these other things are nice to have but unless you are able to express yourself or articulate your views then what’s the use? That’s something that we do our best to instill in him and maintain in ourselves.
What’s your favorite time of the day? Morning! 6:30am. I never wake up in a bad mood, the day tends to wear me down but if you catch me in the morning I’m all good, not a care in the world. Even the very early morning. I often take a nap at 9:30pm then wake up around 1 or 2am and work. It’s quite and peaceful, I’ll watch the sunrise, hear the trucks going by, smell the bacon being made and think yea, this is New York.
Are you prepared for a disaster, do you have a plan for where to meet etc? We talk about that but haven’t really nailed it down. We have stock piled our meds and have some cash, you know after 911. I’ve always enjoyed the notion of traveling light and alone with the idea that if one needed to leave and you could only grab on bag, what would be in that bag? We do have a go bag. Then whatever you have in that bag is what you have and you can’t kick yourself for not being better prepared that’s who you are at that time and that’s what you have. All this other stuff, it’s all just materials.
Favorite movie, car, shoes, actor? Dog day Afternooon, Daniel Day Lewis, DR Martin boots, 76 Gold fleck Corvette Stingray.
What do you consider the most important thing that a father can teach a child, if you could choose one basic principle to share and pass down to your son what would it be? Self-sufficiency. Understanding ownership & personal responsibility. Being able to make a life for yourself. The importance of striving to be a strong & independent individual so that nothing will keep you from doing what you dream to do.
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Paulo Netto — muscles through!
IMAGES & INTERVIEW BY ISAK TINER
Where are you from?
I was born in Brasilia, the capital of Brazil. It is really beautiful there and an amazing place to grow up.
When did you come to New York?
I came in November 1989, wow, over 20 years ago.
I wanted to learn photography, to participate in the New York culture. My timing was perfect: the era of Basquiat & Andy Warhol. It was different than anything I might experience anywhere else. It was about the vibe, not about the location. It was about Hip Hop and counter culture, things that only could have been born here with these people, in the East Side and Harlem and the Bronx. Something that didn’t exist before. I don’t know if I was aware at the time, but it felt like it was the right place to be. I think when you find what you want everything just falls into place. I didn’t know anyone but a week before I was leaving to New York, I met a photographer who built studios. He said, well, if you are going to be in New York I will give you a job. So my first job was building studios, and that was my back door into photography. I built Studio One, http://www.studio1nyc.com , which ended up being a major hub for all sorts of amazing things. I got to work for the best photographers in the world. I got to be a guy in the studio when they shot Miles Davis. I got to go through the Polaroid’s. It wasn’t like going to school spending years on theory. It was like a shot in the vein. I was in the right place in the right time. I got to work for Annie Leibovitz!
I know you have some great stories, tell us a bit about your best and/or worst jobs.
There are so many best jobs. If I had to name one it would be because of the physical experience. The best one was flying the NASA flight, the Vomit Comet during the Apollo Thirteen shoot. Vanity Fair hired Annie to shoot inside the aircraft where the movie was being shot. There is a three month training period to work where you practice gravity zero for thirty seconds while the plane is in metabolic dive. I logged basically over thirty minutes of gravity zero. That is more than astronauts clock in the first five years of training. There’s nothing like that. Another memorable job was being in the room with Christopher Walken and Dennis Hopper, bare-chested, in this hotel room where they were redoing the scene from True Lies. It was epic. Going to the White House was pretty of epic, too.
So what do you consider yourself now? Director, filmmaker?
I’ll always be a photographer, and now am also considered Film Maker.
Where did you meet your partner?
Making a film. It was Until the Violence Stops. She was director and I was DP. It was her first film. I was the only guy working with her crew of 8 women. At some point the Producer was embezzling money. We caught her and she got fired. So I ended up becoming the producer. Abby directed, I shot and we fell in love thereafter, somehow the set has that effect, ha!
How old are your boys?
Matteo is four. And Pietro is ten months. Abby and I never got married. Just keeping it real. Besides, I’m afraid she’ll say no. You can put that on your website.
What do you find is the hardest obstacle to manage as a dad?
The understanding that you are committed to someone else now. As an artist it is a good thing because artists are so self obsessed; we are just consumed with our work and “our” world. When you become a dad you realize it isn’t about you anymore. It is good to un-become the center of your universe. This is a major obstacle because it isn’t about spending 8 hours on your computer getting it right anymore but doing it in thirty minutes so you can go cook dinner, or change diapers.
What is your definition of Free?
It is to remain open to the unexpected and the possibilities. As a dad, you plan everything out and it may fail. You have to be free of attachment to plan A. I mean, maybe A didn’t work, now B doesn’t work, what else can we try?
How do you manage your time?
It is hard, especially when it comes to my passion for endurance sports. A third of my day would be consumed with training. I can’t do that. I can’t take the morning to run 15 miles. And I love waking up with my boys. Matteo will come to my bed at 6:30 am and saying “Daddy, brekky, brekky.” Now we switch because of the new baby. Abby will wake up and feed Pietro, then go back to bed. I then wake up and take Mateo to school. When I come back I am exhausted and so I go back to bed for an hour. I don’t know how 9-5ers or 8-7pm dads do it. We can’t afford a nanny for more than a few days a week. I made the choice to stay at home. And you have to check in with them, change your plans. I think about the countless hours I used to spend by myself, some days skydiving all day. I can’t do that anymore.
Do you feel rushed?
I want to say yeah, but it is relative. I do like to spend countless hours reading about architecture or watching great films. I am lucky that I have the time, the kind of schedule that I could that. And the kids are incredible, I mean, they know how to manipulate you and manipulate time. They gain, you lose. It is a game for them. They are learning limits and boundaries. So we parents have to be very present because you have to know when and how to say “no” without breaking their spirit. You need to discipline them so they don’t go out into the world and try to manipulate everyone they meet. A kid who sees dedication and love and compassion knows when dad has to be tough. We don’t want to expose kids to violence, but you have to be tough with them sometimes. Maybe a firm swat on the legs or the bottom, that is all that they need not more. I don’t want to swat them. It sounds cruel I know. It has to mean something very specific. They have to be able to understand what brought on that extreme reaction. It does break my heart though.
What is your greatest fear?
Not being able to provide for them, in the financial and personal. A fear of not being able to provide even the most basic things for survival and wellness, for a decent life is the thing for me. It is part of the Buddhist Meditation to contemplate death, and it becomes something you cannot fear. I mean, I skydive and I do all sorts of crazy things like riding my bike in New York City. So then I have to think about a responsibility to something outside of simply my self. I have a family.
Greatest Joy?
Nothing beats a newborn’s smile in the morning, that first smile when they wake up. It is so good for your soul. And to see your kid overcome fear. It could be as simple as a fear of the dark or the fear of the stuffed animal, or something more serious. It is fulfilling and long lasting to see them overcome fear. It is such a primordial feeling, to know that your kid will survive you. Give them the tools and they can do with them what they will. How many of us were not given chances to do what we wanted because our parents were not paying proper attention the way that we, as unique individuals, needed.
Being a parent, you are qualified to look and make judgments, and looking back, my dad, he wasn’t at all ready for parenthood. I felt that growing up. My mother knew it too. He was raised rich and then when his family lost everything he spent his early twenties paying off his parent’s debt. He went from being a hospital clerk to being a CEO. He ran a number of companies, and he loved racing. At one point he owned one of the best restaurants of that time. He did a little bit of everything and everyone loved him, but he never made time for his kids. In our culture we don’t say I love you to our sons; maybe it is a guy thing.
I realized when I was 18 that I loved him and wanted to tell him, but he died before I got that chance. He died in a head on car collision ironically, after a lifetime of racing, he was the passenger. He was only 49. I loved my father and through that loss I learned the importance of expressing love, especially to my children. It was very hard for me, the first time I did it, it was so awkward. Where I come from it really means something. You don’t just say it. In America it is like candy. My wife, Abby says it all the time. I think that love is a balance of respect, admiration, honor and romance. If you think about conditional love and unconditional love it seems that a lot of romantic love is based on conditions: I will remain if you don’t cheat on me or you don’t get too fat. But even that can change. And it is so hard to maintain focus. Love has morphed, for me, into a sincere desire to be part of someone’s life with all its difficulties. Love is funny.
What are you passionate about?
Well, as an artist, I do everything passionately.
Do you cook?
Yes, some really good meals, too. I made soft-shelled crab with red lentil and sage. It was so good. And last night I made the best pork chops with balsamic and mustard. It got me laid!
What’s your favorite meal?
That is very hard. I am a little limited to Tuscan food. It is based on the simplicity and the freshness of the ingredients. French food has twenty things just in a sauce. Italian food has four ingredients.
How many cups of coffee do you drink in a day?
A Cappuccino after I drop him off at school. But I catch myself wanting more. And I didn’t grow up drinking the kind of coffee we have here. We drink a shot of coffee with tons of sugar. Abby just got a Cappuccino machine and I was like, that is so yuppie! Oh well.
Who does the chores?
We split it fifty-fifty, or sixty-forty, favoring her. I drop him at school, cook the meals, put them to bed. But the bed thing is something I didn’t grow up with so she kind of showed me the ropes with that one. We all do our part.
What is your favorite climate?
Mountains. High Mountains. Like Everest where I climbed up to 21,000 feet and was able to summit Island Peak. In the Himalayas, it is hot during the day and dry and silent. Mountains are just a fortress of silence where I have found much peace.
Pets?
No pets, but if I could have one, I would love more pussy in my life, HA! I grew up with dogs but I love cats. I would have one of each.
Speaking of sex?
It is something girls talk about all the time and guys never do. Sex is bizarre. It is very personal. During the pregnancy Abby became super sexual during the first three months and I became the opposite. I was afraid of hurting the kid. Which is silly. But also there is the dogma I didn’t want to corrupt the Saint-like figure of my woman. Kind of stupid really Then during the first few months of being parents we completely forgot about the sexual side of ourselves. Now looking back I can see that we really were missing out. There is the one dynamic of sex that it takes some aggression away. With two new parents who are going through the torture of no sleep and stress and being at each others throats, sex is essential. I felt angry because even when I wanted to again, she didn’t. She said “we should go to couples therapy ” but I didn’t want to be that type of person. We went and it was great because they made us really look at ourselves and each other. Now with the second child, we know more so we’re making nice gestures to each other.
Before there was much resentment. I mean, if you get too obsessed you can feel discarded like you were used to make a baby and now you are not needed or wanted anymore. One of the hardest thing about becoming a dad is the sexual dynamic. I don’t claim to understand it at all. I want to learn, to get better. And men can be fickle. Some men could be completely repulsed by having sex after a vaginal delivery. Pietro was a vaginal delivery. There was a lot of bleeding. I have seen dads pass out when they see a baby come out! Men are not made as well, or as resiliently as women. Anyway, the sexual adaptation for an overly sexual Brazilian man like myself has been a real learning experience.
How do you pamper yourself and your partner?
I pamper myself with a 7 hour bike ride. Sometimes I will get her a spa treatment. Once we went together. Sometimes we spend a night in a nice hotel. Luckily her parents are in town so we can do that sort of thing every once in a while. It is expensive to be sexually creative with two kids!
What do you call fun?
Being alone or with my family, not minding the watch. Not thinking about time. Not time to go cook, time for a nap, time to go, time to go relieve the babysitter.
Favorite pastime with family or alone?
I have been taking Mateo to Soccer. And racing the piston cup, like in the Disney movie, so we play pretend racing. And I always lose, of course.
How often do you speak to your mom?
Skype is a blissful thing. Once, even twice a week now. Long live Skype. When she sees the boys, she just goes nuts.
What about your in-laws, how is your relationship with them?
I like them very much. They are very kind to us. I am kind of tough on them because I don’t want them to spoil the kids. And Mateo knows he can get away with anything when grandma and grandpa are around. I mean, it takes a day and a half after being at the grandparent’s house to get him back on the same page because of the free reign he has when he’s there. So I feel awkward—I mean Abby has called me a Nazi more than once. Man, I don’t know how parents can survive without their own parents in the city. So no matter what, I couldn’t do it without them. I don’t know how single moms do it. I have the ultimate respect for them. I don’t know how couples that have no support in the same town do it. I have two in-laws. It gives us twelve to twenty four hours a week which that is priceless!
What role does religion play in your life and how does that effect the rearing of your children?
Most families are interfaith. And I think there has to be room for the cultural and spiritual aspects of religion. And in the end it is their choice. I was raised Catholic and studied Hinduism and when I moved to New York I learned about Judaism. But the thing that I identify with most is Buddhism. And I am, by no means, a “good” Buddhist. I have dedicated myself to the learning of spiritual practices. It is very easy to lose the union of personal life and spiritual life. Having a child who is technically Jewish, I try to find the similarities within our religious backgrounds. I think it is important to teach goodness and kindness and compassion. The parents should focus on making those lessons simple, not having it be about which book it comes from. I think kids are naturally compassionate; they have that spontaneous desire to help others. Then again, they also torture their little siblings. I think there is more need for tolerance because there are more people and less space. Pietro just had his naming ceremony and I was fine with that as long as there was no bris. I agreed to the naming ceremony because it meant a lot to Abby’s dad to recite the Jewish prayers. For a boy to become a Jew, you have to have the bris at which time he receives the name that honors the dead and is circumcised. I oppose circumcision in order to become a valid person. I did a documentary on female circumcision, it is barbaric and can be fatal. If I go to Africa to help girls not be circumcised, why should I do it to my boys? I did my research and there is no medical reason. If we were in a world with poor hygiene, then yes it would be valid.
Do you limit TV?
Yes. Mateo got very little TV until he was 2 years old. Research has shown that the capacity to have internally conceived imagery is undermined by watching television before a certain age. Technology can be a sharp edge, but it might take your hands if you are not careful. Even now he watches very little. We let him watch Portuguese and Spanish shows to help him learn the languages.
What’s your Favorite time of day?
Between 9:30 and 10am when I can have my half hour of bliss after Matteo is in school.
If you could live anywhere where would that be?
I was thinking of Colorado because of the mountains. Or Northern California. Maybe on an island off the coast of Italy.
Are you prepared for disaster?
No, we aren’t. We just lack on that end. If I get a call from the school I get into a mode. Matteo is super allergic to nuts and already we have been to the ER twice. So I guess our emergency plan revolves around that.
Favorite things?
I bought a 40 dollar pair of used Gucci shoes. And they are just a piece of art. They give you the illusion that they were made just for you. You know I’m no label whore, but these shoes are great. Movies: Paradise Now. It won for best foreign film. That movie Once, the story of the street musicians. As for music, this is funny because I haven’t bought music in so long. The best thing to happen in the world of music lately is Pandora. It is the only thing I pay monthly for. I am depressed that I can’t stream it outside America because of rights.
What do you consider the most important thing that a father can teach a child, if you could choose one basic principle to share and pass down to your kids what would it be?
Preserve and maximize what you’ve been blessed with and help if you can the ones who are less fortunate than yourself. Buddhism teaches that one should try to create or nurture circumstances that may help the one’s less privileged than yourself. Do your best and help others along your path. Be giving and as altruistic as you can as you pass through this glorious life that is filled with beauty and endless challenges.
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Ian Savage
How old are you? 31. At least, based on when the baby comes I can tell that I must be 31. The other day I couldn’t remember if I was 31 or 32. When the kid is born I will be 32.
Where were you born? I was born in Frankfurt, Germany. My father was in the Air Force and worked in the Radio and Communications department, so technically I was born on American soil. I traveled Europe with my parents a little while they were there. Then we moved to East Lyme, Connecticut the town after which the tick borne disease was named, where my parents still live. It’s a very small town populated by lots of contractors & blue-collar workers, very working class. My dad worked for Southern New England Telephone and later for AT&T who bought them out. He had a choice between going to Minnesota and doing the same job or staying and working a desk job. My dad is very hands-on; he can’t stand sitting down behind a desk but he made the choice to stay. My mother was always a stay at home mom, which was great for me and my younger sister who is now 28.
When did you come to NYC? I graduated from film school in 2000. I had a very close-knit group of friends in high school, like Oliver and Greg. We wanted to create our own film and theatre production company. I decided to go to film school after the photography school because I saw how hard it was to survive as a photographer. I had been assisting a fine art photographer who had to become a Lawyer after 35 years just to support his career. So I thought I would go into Film—and what do you know, film also includes lighting and music and dance and costumes and make-up. I come from an acting background which began in high school so I thought it would be great because it incorporated everything that I loved. So I went to Vancouver and did a one year intensive program with the idea of starting a, what was meant to be a film company with my friends. So as soon as I graduated I jumped in my car and drove across the entire country, made a straight shot for New York in five days. My friends were already there so I moved right in with them. We did eventually start our own company but after three years I realized that we were producing a lot of theatre and very little film. So we decided to request more film ideas and script submissions from which we chose this one short film which took a year to make and a lot of money. Up until then we were all kind of working on friend-currency. so as you might imagine our first short film broke the company. Oliver wasn’t too involved having more of a theatre background and Greg acted as my producer but when we finished the company sadly, dissolved. Oliver went and started his own thing and I took the logo. So now my company is Rolli Boat Films.
What was your first job, best job, worst job? Well it just so happened that just as I came out of Film School in 2000, there was this huge actor’s strike in the states so most of the work went to Vancouver where ironically I had just come from. So I couldn’t get a job anywhere. I had a bit of a kitty to hold me up for a couple of months, which it did, but eventually that ran out. I had some experience as a waiter, so I found a gig as a runner in a restaurant for a couple of weeks, and then luckily I fell into a carpentry job for a theatre company, much more along the lines of what I loved called Classic Stage Company. I worked there from 2000 to 2003. I became a freelance Off-Broadway theatre carpenter, electrician and rigger. I must have done around 100 shows. It was a lot of work but for that time it was really good money and a lot of fun. So I did that for a long time. Then I happened into a position as a deck hand and carpenter on a show called “Far Away” that was being directed by Stephen Daldry. That’s where I met Frances McDormand who was in the show. She mentioned that there was some handyman stuff that they needed done at her house, which she hired me to do. We got along really well which was amazing not only because of the incredible talent that she is but the fact that she happens to be married to Joel Cohen one of my heroes. It turned out that right around that time their assistant of 6 years was leaving so Frances finagled an interview for me with Joel and Ethan, which went well so I became their assistant for a year and a half. Man, sometimes I wish I had done things differently. Now, looking back on it, it didn’t get me anywhere in the business, you know? I feel like I didn’t network enough, I didn’t take enough advantage of the opportunity. I feel like I didn’t put myself in a position to grow. You live and breathe to do whatever they need you to do and they work very hard. They’re great guys and never asked me go get them coffee or lunch, but that was my job, to manage everything & anything they needed, get it all done. They said it was a two year commitment and yes, it was a heartbreaking moment when it was all over but now I’m a freelance producer, director, editor, for my own company. As far as the question goes, that was the best job that I have had. It was great! After that I work for this company called RocketBoom.com. Well it’s a daily video blog. Very modern. I worked as their sole producer for a year and a half. I loved it. Every day I was on call 24/7. I was in charge of coming up with the ideas and making everything happen. Producing, shooting, editing, I was the “man”. I was posting a three-minute spot every morning. Sometimes I was working until 6 in the morning on a spot to get it up by 9am. I would be on the phone with people, runnin’ and gunnin’ it in the city. It was a great job and I loved every minute of it. Then, they ran out of money and that is why I left. I miss it. It suited me. And it was really good money. Good money always helps.
When & where did you meet your partner? It’s such a weird, crazy circle of how we met. Oliver and Greg went to UConn. Being from Connecticut, that is the “big school”. All of my friends went to there but I couldn’t afford it. So I would go up and visit four days out of a seven-day week. Shelia went to UConn too and knew some of my friends there. There were two circles of friends whose paths were always crossing. Her circle and my circle. We both moved to NY and ended up at a lot of similar parties and saw each other often. She was gorgeous, simply out of my league ( I thought at the time )—and I knew it, too. It wasn’t until a house warming party where we were both at the tail ends of our relationships, both with older people, both unhappy that we connected and the first sparks started. The next time we ended up at the same Halloween Party. She came dressed as a casual angel. She works as a TV Producer, but her training is as an actress. She came dressed as this oh so cool angel, like, “Oh yeah, I’m an angel, yeah heaven is alright” just so nonchalant. Anyway, Halloween is one of my favorite holidays because I love to act even though I don’t consider myself an actor. I enjoy it but I don’t want to be one. So Halloween is my chance to go all out. That year I just threw something together. I was a crazy person from an Asylum with white pants and shirt, belts everywhere, messed up my hair and smeared black eye makeup down my face. I would be talking to people and out of nowhere go off the hook and be crazy. That was the big night for us. It was raining and her camera ran out of batteries. So I ran out in the rain and bought batteries and gave them to her. I mean I seriously snuck off and literally ran to the bodega & back, returned totally out of breath soaking wet and slipped her the batteries. That was my flag to say “Yes, I am interested”. But it was she, who made the first move. A bit later I was picking some song at the stereo and she just leaned in and kissed me. That was the first, last, and only time that has ever happened and that’s all it took! So we rocked out all night dancing & singing karaoke. Then came a bunch of hectic emails and calling friends the next morning to find out her number so I could ask for an official date. Nice story!
How long have you been married? It was 2006 when we started dating. I proposed in 2007, and we got married in 2008. We will be celebrating out 2nd anniversary the day before her due date. It’s May 25th and we got married May 24th. So I have a feeling that the anniversary is a holiday we won’t be celebrating in quite the same way from here on out.
What do you consider to be the hardest obstacle to manage as a dad-to-be in business or as an artist? I think the biggest change that will happen and already has happened is that I am living my life for this child rather than for me or just for us. Our biggest obstacle is going to be money and that kills us. That is why I’ve been doing the carpentry. Prior to having this child on the way, it seemed like I was making good money. Now it doesn’t seem like I can make enough. The problem with freelance is that there is no guarantee that I have a job, that I’ll have that income. I don’t really worry about anything else. Is that crazy? I have always wanted kids, since High School. I started out in school studying Education, and well, I failed at that one. Seriously though, the first thing I ever wanted to do was to be a kindergarten teacher. I am so excited to have kids! I think we’re going to be great parents. But again the biggest obstacle is money. I’m doing everything I can to stabilize my income, but it isn’t just me, my wife’s a freelance TV producer and hasn’t worked in weeks. She gets no “maternity leave” and we both have a bunch of debt. So I’ll be working to get out of debt while stabilizing my income while saving for the future. We’re already talking about college funds, wills and trusts and insurance. We started talking about insurance about a month before she got pregnant. We knew we needed insurance, we were already looking into insurance. I mean I was uninsured for 9 years! Also, I come from a small town. I want my kids to be able to benefit from that small town upbringing, being able to ride their bikes down the street in the dark and have it be ok. I want to position myself to be able to move out of the city by the time she’s five. I want to have all my work arranged, ready to go. I need that time to position myself with skills and contacts so I can go anywhere. I would love to be directing commercials or films but I need to be making money doing these things. I give myself five years because I figure if the kid starts developing friends and connections it won’t be healthy to uproot them and bring them someplace new after a certain age. You gotta think about that. I pray that this is the last apartment we live in before moving to a house. I do love living in Red Hook, it’s the least like living in a city. I love my neighborhood, growing food in our community garden which amazingly in at the end of our block. I love being rooted in my hood! But we will see what happens.
What’s your definition of “free”? When I think of free, I think of sailing. I have done a little bit of sailing, and freedom is to be able to get in that boat and sail wherever you want to on this planet. Where do you want to go? Where ever! You can go anywhere in a sailboat. That is ultimate freedom. I don’t know if freedom and free are the same thing. Being free is to be able to do whatever is your heart’s desire. To want and be able to do it. That is free. I see so many people taking flying classes but it is so expensive and there are so many rules. But sailing is more basic. I love the water. East Lyme is a coastal town; the population triples in the summer. Another money-making thing I often think of is to become a captain and get chartered to take people places. There is an unending list of things I would love to do. I have this great idea for a resort I would love to open and run. I don’t know where because I love everyplace I go. It would be where—I mean the typical ones have spas and restaurants and whatever—but there is a breed of traveler who wants to entrench themselves in jewelry making or cooking with local chefs or going on photo expeditions, things that are connected to the local culture. This is not for the tourist; this is for someone who wants to embrace the place they are in. But yeah, there is no shortage of ideas for what I want and could do.
What role does time play in your day, how do you manage? Before the child the answer is barely. Now there are not enough hours in the day. There is so much to do, so much I want to do, so much I have to do. I love the regular work, but I miss the freelance flexibility. A few days would set me up for a month. Now would be a great time for that to happen again. I try to catch up on personal stuff in the morning. Then I go to work as a carpenter all day. I come home at night and we just moved in here so there is still unpacking to do and cleaning out the basement and the garden and we are living out of boxes and everything for the baby is coming in and the nursery is not done and I can’t do the office downstairs until the nursery is done. I have to set two alarms to get up in the morning. The calendar on my iPhone is the greatest thing in my world right now. We have to go to birthing classes, lactation classes, X, Y, Z, A, B, C. There is No time. In my heart of hearts I am ready for this baby, but as for our lives, we are so not ready. But it’s coming. My default answer, when people ask me if we are doing everything for the baby, is that we have plenty of time, but that’s bullshit.
What is your greatest fear? Finances. My greatest fear is that I will not be able to support my family. I give my heart and everything I have to my wife and child and I love them but I need to be able to take care of them. Failure is not an option! I have to succeed, so it will happen, but it is a huge weight.
What is your greatest joy? My joy comes from knowing that I found the right person for me. I have the best friends anyone could ask for and that is so important to me and I know Sheila feels the same. We can, and do, rely on them. It is incredible. Also when I get to do what I love, that is joy. When I am behind the camera, that’s joy. And I am sure that is all going to change, but for now, its our relationship, our friends, film making.
How would you define love? I don’t think I have ever been asked that. What a rich, deep question! There are so many facets. With a person, with my wife, it is knowing that we have found each other and that we are right for each other and it is true love. We’ve found it; we have it. I believe that we are meant to be together. Other than that, I love my friends, my family, and what I do when I get to do it.
How many cups of coffee do you drink per day? Only two. Never, well, rarely more than two.
Do you like to travel, how often, favorite climate? I enjoy the seasons. I mean, I could live tropical, but I love the seasons. All four of them.
How do you feel about sex, who initiates, what is the role of sex in your life? It has taken such a back seat in our life recently. There is no minimization of desire but after I get home from a full day of “man-work” and wow I’m just so tired. I’m more comfortable with the idea now, but at first I was freaking out about getting in there and getting close. I mean there is a baby in there!
How do you pamper yourself or your partner? I feel like the answer is that I could pamper her more, and I think I should. I could give her a foot massage. I guess we go out to eat which is nice but that’s about it lately. And that is going to become even truer as time goes on.
What do you call fun? Spending time with Sheila and our friends. We are lucky that we get to do it often. It doesn’t get any better.
How often do you speak to your mother and or father? Not enough by regular standards, but for my particular family, it is enough. Maybe once a month, sometimes weekly. I talk and email with my sister more. My parents are busy and they don ‘t call me—I mean, there is no reason or anything. Everything is great. It is just how they are. I have a cousin who is my age and we went to photo school together, and we talk a lot.
How do in-laws affect your life? I am very lucky. I probably speak to her mother more than my own and I definitely see them more than mine. They are extroverts. Mine are introverts. Except for me. I am the black sheep in that way. Sheila’s mom lives in Jersey, cousins in Park Slope, and my family is only 2 hours away, but that is a lot further.
What role does religion play in your life and how important do you consider some form of faith will have on the development of your coming child? I am not a religious person; I don’t come from a religious background. When we got married, her cousin performed the service because he’s Irish and Catholic, which I was concerned about. But everything was great. The best thing that he said at the ceremony was that “God is Love”. I think of that all the time. I think that is the best way to describe religion. I have always been told that if you are a good person then you have nothing to fear. So live your life, treat others the way you want to be treated, be good to people and do what you love. Also I read this book about religion Caveman Logic, by Hank Davis and what I loved about it was learning about all these different religions, like the Celts and how it was all about nature. So I guess I’ve learned all these things and taken little pieces from everything, I took all the bits that I connected with the things that clicked with me, and that is kind of what religion is for me now. As for my kid it’s curious. My dad was Protestant and my mom was Catholic & The Catholic Church wouldn’t marry them unless they signed a contract saying they would raise their children Catholic. My mother said, “I am not signing anything for you”! I don’t feel that religion is necessary for bringing up a child. I feel like our child is going to have questions, I mean, they’re going to have friends with different religious backgrounds. They’re gonna want to know about Rosh Hashanah and Christmas and it is hard to know what we’re going to tell them. Maybe we will only know in that moment when they are looking us in the eye.
What is your favorite time of the day? Sunset. I like the magic hour. That’s when the magic happens.
If you could live anywhere on earth where would it be? Somewhere new.
Favorite movie, book, car, shoes, actor, music? The Fountainhead. I like Clockwork Orange, the Abyss, the original Clash of the Titans. Anything Ray Haryhausen and Stanley Kubric. Oh, and the Sinbad movies. As for cars… I will say this about cars, I’ve always felt that I have wanted a Land Cruiser, but with the carpentry I want a pick-up with a roof rack. Then with the baby shower, though, we rented a mini-van, and I was diggin’ that. Maybe a mini-van could be manly. I like being high up and looking out the window.
What do you consider the most important thing that a father can teach a child, if you could choose one basic principle to share and pass down to your kid what would it be? You can do anything you want to do, anything at all. That is a very core value that definitely was instilled in me by my parents. They were so supportive. Everything I did was great and they made me feel like I would be awesome at everything. And be a good person. It’s funny that that is the second one that comes to mind.
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Neal Boulton: over the hype!
HeroinLife.com’s founder Neal Boulton іѕ а controversial American journalist and father of two whο hаѕ been critically acclaimed for his work on over 30 national magazines, newspapers, and online magazines. Aѕ a founder an editor, or creative leader and man who is not afraid to get to the gritty point, Boulton has also appeared οn thе Today Shοw, Thе View, аnԁ Anderson Cooper 360, аmοnɡ many others. Displaying unexpected humility and self reflection, Boulton sat down with Kindom-Dad to talk about life on the other side of Heroin, and the right side of fatherhood.
How old are you? Old enough to have made a mess; young enough to get to clean it up and still look my age [laughs].
Where were you born? My sweet Baltimore—it’s the only connection I have to my mother. It’s where she had me. (We’ve never met). There, we commune in this spiritual way. It’s all I have of her, really.
Where did you meet your partner and what has kept you together? We met outside of Baltimore. We have an “I got your back” kind of love going still—a street dynamics thing. See, I only went to raw, city rehabs, nothing Celebtastic. And I trust the ex-cons and guys I served in rehab with like I trust Claire—which is to say, more than anyone else on the planet.
How long have you been married? About 18 wild years. She’s put up with it all [laughs]: my 25-year addiction problem; and even harsher, my 10-year heroin addiction. Thing is, we grew up together for fuck’s sake—she was 20 and I wasn’t much older. And here we are 20+ years later, you fucking naysayers from way back when.
When did you come to NYC & why? 1996. My wife’s father was born on the same street here which gave us a spiritual connection that softened the hardness of NYC. Gotta have a little spiritual mixed in with all the rock and roll animal stuff. We came here because our coming to NY meant being a part of a bigger world. We were broke, but did what we had to do to stay in New York to live. It wasn’t like we had this giant dream that New York would offer us a new life; we were simply transferring our wild life from one place to here.
Where & How did you get your start in publishing? Washington College, 1985. I was antsy, frustrated, I was climbing the walls (yes, I was on coke) [laughs]—but I wanted to publish. I wanted to go out and interview everyone about everything—and print it—so I did, after I created GO. Magazine. I’ve been in publishing ever since.
How has your sexual research helped your career? Understanding sexuality is a big part of how I made money. Things like, understanding what people are afraid of knowing. Straights fear everything; gays, nothing. I had become a mass-market magazine re-tooler and knowing just how gay you can make a straight magazine—more than those men know—or just how straight the gays want their men’s magazines—they’re men, they want a masculine magazine, about men—really comes in handy. The best audience, colleagues, and people I ever worked with or for were gay. Period. Gay men are the most masculine fucking men on the planet: not afraid of what gives a man pleasure, mixed with the ability to kick your ass—like a man. The gay men around here make the local dads around here look like pussies. [laughs] I’ve always thought that.
What were the worst & or best jobs you’ve had to do? The whole bag baby: 1996-2008. They were the best and the worst. What a fucking cliché. But I consider those paycheck years, the era where the gigs were not what I really wanted to be doing, but where I was in full on heroin addiction mode and I needed the money to fund my habit. I made enough money so that my family didn’t notice when a grand here or there for dope was gone. Shit, I loved those years because I got off on how successful I had become and how I could get away with using heroin, without literally everyone except my dealer and the low life’s that I had around knowing, (As everybody knows, when you’re on smack, the gun and the lowlife are like the furniture in the shithole you’re shooting up in. Benign, but always keeping watch).
What’s your definition of “free”? (Heroin) free. Boring right? Well, I can’t say it enough because I’m the type to forget. And when I forget, I usually end up coming to with the palm of my hand filled with blood and a needle accidentally [laughs] still stuck in my arm. [Laughs].
What role does time play in your day, how do you manage? Now that I’m clean, I don’t have enough time. The odds are stacked against heroin addicts as far as staying clean and living at all. Shit, I’ve been relapsing since 1988 when I hit my first rehab. Now, I take in EVERY second of my children’s life. Fuck “being there,” that’s a pussy therapy term. I—INHABIT their world with EVERY second of my living day. Why? Hell, one relapse, one cc too many? You get my point. All this shit’s cliché because—all this shit’s cliché. [Laughs] Nothing romantically, you know, “devastating” about it. No poetry man. A bore.
Do you feel rushed? Rush me more. It’s going too slow. Life’s too fucking short, and I want more—now. It’s that or nod out again [laughs].
What is your greatest fear? Hurting my wife more and disappointing my children by dying of a heroin overdose.
What is your greatest joy? Seeing my wife and the kids lost in fun.
How would you define love? Something indefinable. But that’s good. The beauty of love man is it’s mystery, how we will never be able to know it. Because of this, it endures—and I am lucky for it.
What’s your favorite meal? I scorched my digestive track so badly from my years of abuse, I can no longer each much without really getting very ill. Rice, bread, bananas. But, I love to cheat—and when I do I down a giant tray of McDonald’s.
Do you cook? Yeah I do cook. I do it for the peace and love you can offer without saying, ‘I love you.’ I’m mellow about it, but I do it to give that love to my wife a lot. The kids, too.
Do you drink coffee do you drink, cups per day? Not anymore. I still struggle with that. For me it’s better to stay away, having done so much cocaine.
Do you like to travel how often? As a survivor, I love to travel. I love to lean my head against the window and just watch worlds go by. Sentimentality is dangerous—to “lull,” but I’m always moved when I see the world blur by. It makes me feel the promise of turning the corner.
Do you have any pets, if so which kind and why? Our dog is an Italian Greyhound and our cat is a Seal Point Siamese. It’s important to care for things that won’t thank you. It breeds humility. It’s a spiritual thing, really.
What role does sex play in your life how do you keep your relationship exciting? I’m a father by day and a sexual beast by night [laughs]—if the wife will allow it. But sometimes I just end of up doing dishes if she’s not down for my bed gymnastics [laughs at himself].
How do you pamper yourself or your partner? I pamper myself by staying away from heroin (and cheating on my diet with McDonald’s); I pamper my wife by like cooking for her and maybe grabbing a blanket for her to rest under when she’s cold on the couch.
Who does the chores and or how are they delegated? We’re mellow about them. No one barks out the plan. I strum the guitar down, she strums hers up—and they get done about just like that. Too suburban to argue about chores; fuck, argue about Cuba, or gays in the military, and my too many tattoos. Not chores.
What do you call fun? Besides orgasms, I call fun: journalism. I live to learn about you, and if I can, I want to help you. Journalism is the medium that shows us we are not alone. If I interview you and print your story, someone’s life might turn around because of it. It’s why I launched HeroinLife.com. [Laughs] But, orgasms are far more fun.
What’s your favorite pastime as a family? Long walks along the beach where we all talk and share our discoveries and feelings and gripes and excitement. Hallmark Card? Yeah, but that’s why they’re a billion dollar empire: it’s who we are as a race.
How do in-laws affect your life? My mother in law has been through 3 of my rehabs, several detoxes, and many of my flat out rock bottom moments on Heroin. So, yeah, I love her like a mother—even though she teases me about my stupid sense of humor.
What role does religion play in your life and how important do you consider some form of faith has on the development of your child? I wear a crucifix, but I don’t believe in god. I go to church, but only to escort my mother in law. I think the devil exists and has been cradling me in the comfort of sex, money, and heroin for ages. So, I pray that whatever is out there can break the thorny grip of the devil on me. Now, if this crucifix helps baby, [laughs] then I got it just in case and I’ll share it with the kids at that point and time.
Do you limit TV, video games, bedtime? TV is evil. I allow cartoons and fun things, but I limit most everything else. My kids dig that. They draw and play and go into another realm anyway when that fucker is off.
What is your favorite time of the day? Nighttime. I’m more productive with my writing and editing at night.
If you could live anywhere on earth where would it be? Where I live now. I’d be an outcast anywhere else. My blood is type NYC: part devil, part dream.
Are you prepared for a disaster, do you have a plan for where to meet etc? I worked with Sylvestor Stallone on Rocky Balboa and also when he was writing Rambo 4. I grew up in a violent home with machetes and shit. I lived in Saudi Arabia and was protected, for some reason, by an armed guard. Over time, I started learning raw, life and death survival tactics. “The fight,” as Sly would point out. I’ve imparted a good amount of that to my children—given the life I was living. Sadly, guns and violence come with drug addiction. Thing is, many of these lessons transfer to natural disasters, so, yeah, we’re set.
Favorite movie, book, car, shoes, actor, music? Easy man: favorite movie? Pulp Fiction (this week anyway), no favorite car these days, my Harley has my heart (rode it from New York to LA to “RECKON” with the road). Always and forever my Frye boots will rock me. And as far as music: I’ve been a long time Ozzy Osbourne guy, from the 70s.
How do you relate to the memories you have of your father?I don’t. I’m mellow and I don’t repeat his brutal violence (he mellowed in the later years, or, simply got the point after my older brother finally fought back, nearly killing his ass on several occasions). Hey man, war is war, and if it’s your old man warring against you—all is fair in love—and war.
What do you consider the most important thing that a father can teach a child, if you could choose one basic principle to share and pass down to your kid what would it be? Tolerance and self-defense. The two are interconnected: the beauty of knowing when not to use your fists; but the importance of exactly when and how to strike.
Eton on Eatin’
How old are you? Thirty
Where are you from? Well, I was born in Chicago. My dad had emigrated from Canton, Guangzhou, and my Mom came from Hong Kong. They remained in Chicago where my Dad had been working with his brother and started their own Import/Export business. They were crazy-entrepreneurial. They opened and ran a number of businesses including a video store, bookstore, art gallery, restaurant, travel agency and some other side stuff. They did whatever it took to raise the family and put us into good schools. After high school they always told me to get out there and experience life. So I went to Rutgers College. It was great to get out of Chicago and experience something outside of my circle.
When did you come to NYC & why? I came out to New York and got into engineering. It Sucked. My dad always said I should go into something to use my personality because computer engineering was not for me. I had been working in the restaurant since I was ten or eleven years old as the bus boy, waiter—whatever they needed done, I did. When my junior year at Rutgers came around I thought, “Man, if this is what I’m going to do for the rest of my life, I’m going to fail.” And you know my grades weren’t great. So I assessed all my credits and everything and thought, “How can I get out of here in a year?” So I added it all up and I saw Econ. I could make it out on time if I studied Economics. I’d just have to go to summer school. So I did that, graduated 2001, and wondered, “What the hell am I going to do now?” We were in a recession, which was a horrible time to graduate. Nobody was hiring. So I became a Stock Broker. That same time my parents retired and moved to Hawaii. So there I was: New York, downtown on Maiden Lane, working as a broker and, dude, I didn’t know shit!
How did you get that job? I looked online and just went job hunting, and to anything that said yes I went on the interview. You know, like I said my parents were gone; I had nowhere to go, so I had to hustle. I didn’t know the industry back then, a hundred go in and one ends up staying. So I went on this interview. They asked me when school ended. I said in May, the guy says, ok great see you June 1st. My then-girlfriend-now-wife’s parents asked about benefits, pay, vacation, the entire 9-5 standard set up, to which I had no answers. I didn’t ask questions. I just took the job. So I showed up there and they handed me this paper and asked me to memorize this pitch. That’s when it hit me. So anyway my boss, who owned the company and still does, taught me how to sell. He taught me everything. We’d be on the phone all day long selling. That’s all we were doing. We were like Super Tele-Marketers; we were Phone Pirates. It got to the point I could pick up the phone book, dial any number and I could get ‘em, laughs, you know, make the sale. It was like the movie Boiler Room, except it was all legal, of course. So I did alright. I moved to Downtown. My office was right there. My girlfriend Krista had just graduated from Grad school at NYU, so the timing was right, and she moved in with me. Being with her really had a big influence on the way I thought about my life. As a stockbroker you live a very different lifestyle. I saw how I was acting, even just coming home the transition was wild. I had to calm down and change the way I was speaking. I was acting like a serious asshole. I did that for four years, but I realized that was no way to live a life if I wanted to have a family. I looked around and saw that no one that I knew had a functional family who was stockbroker.
Then what happened? I loved cooking. Every night after work I’d been coming home and trying out one my Grandmothers recipes along with lots of crepes. Growing up neither of my parents cooked much but I had learned a lot from my Grandmother. So I started looking into Culinary schools. I was finally following my Dad’s advice to follow my heart and use my personality. I chose the French Culinary Institute. As for the Stock Broking, in that business you don’t give your two weeks notice. When you leave, you just hand over your books and walk out. I was in there with my boss for a good six hours before he took my resignation. That was that. I was already all signed up for Culinary School, I had the loan, I had everything. I seriously quit on Tuesday and was in class on Wednesday. On top of all that I had a Line Cook position lined up for Wednesday. Krista and I were good for finances because I had the job and she had her degree as an Occupational Therapist. While I was in school I worked at En Japanese Brasserie in the West Village, second place was Cafe Gray, and the third place was at the Asiate at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel. I did four or five years in Manhattan and finally just got sick of the fine dining scene. I was ready to move on. I tried working at Kerry Heffernin’s South Gate at the Essex House. I remember thinking, “I left the Oziate for this garbage?” Later, when I was about to open my restaurant, I gave my two weeks notice to Kerry, though it was 13 days instead of 14 days. Everyone was cool with it, though. Everyone was real supportive. Suddenly, the prick goes, oh well you didn’t give me two weeks, so I say if you want me to come back for that one extra day, I’ll come back. He says, oh, well someday you might need a reference. And I was like, what? Not from you, I can’t believe you really just said that. That’s why he’s an asshole. Yeah, so after that I was totally done. Who in their right mind says stuff like that? So I finished my thirteen days and we had our Grand Opening for Eton.
What line of work are you in now? Restauranteur. I was still at the Mandarin when we got married, and we went to Hawai’i for our honeymoon. While we were there, we discovered this thing called Hawaiian Shaved Ice. It was awesome, better than any icy I had tried on the East Coast. Every day for the two weeks we were there we had the Shaved Ice. When we got back, I had just left the Mandarin and was starting at South Gate. We wanted a Shaved Ice machine of our own—there are two kinds, and the one we have in the Store is the better kind. I wasn’t having such a great time at South Gate. The idea of starting my own thing started building in my head. We thought about maybe having a business with the Shaved Ice, but we needed something else. Krista loved my dumplings and my friends loved the dumplings, so we decided to go with the dumplings. Once we got it going in our heads, everything just built momentum and got bigger and bigger. We sat down and figured out how much money we had. We lived on 517 Henry St., and there was a spot right across the street; that was our old spot at Sackett and Henry. I went to Mrs. Lee and asked her to lease it to me. It had been vacant for three years. She wasn’t doing anything with it. I had to really push it because she didn’t want to at first, but finally she told us to talk to her son. He agreed and we signed the lease. He gave us six weeks to remodel the place because it was filled with shelving units and was kind of a mess. Meanwhile, I was still working at South Gate. In my spare time I was coordinating with all the suppliers and contractors. We got the place gutted, fixed it up—not that there was a lot to it, we kept things very simple. So one day I am walking down the block and I see some old friends Sonny and Kareena, and I’m like oh hey what are you guys up to and they tell me they just moved back to the neighborhood and when I tell them what I am doing they tell me they have a friend visiting who works for Time Out. So we spoke and she gave me her card and told me to let her know when we open so she can give us a little write up. I’ve got everything coming together, got the food-spection coming through, all that stuff just in time. This was at the same time I was leaving South Gate. Time Out really helped us out a lot. You know, I’ve been in the restaurant industry for a long time, but it is a different thing when you own your own business. You gotta figure out the logistics, you gotta figure out the flow of everything. Those first six months were a big lesson for me, learning how to run everything, learning how to deal with employees. The recipes and the concept were all hammered out. We opened July 1st and we were thinking we would be busy for the Fourth, but business was really slow. Nobody really knew who we were. Thing is, there are a lot of writers in the neighborhood, you know? So Pete Wells from the NY Times always came in after the gym. I didn’t know who this guy was. Two weeks later we get a call from the Times saying they were going to put us in the Under 25 and after that, Boom! We had Eyewitness News come with Neighborhood Eats and we had Good Day New York come in with their Café. It happened so suddenly and we were having a great time. We weren’t making a killing, but all the bills were paid, and everyone was fed. That was all I wanted: to make a living and be my own boss. So everything was good, and after a while my wife and I started talking about Parenthood.
When & where did you meet your partner? In 2000 at the Rutgers student center. When I was at the Mandarin, Krista and I got engaged. This was 2007. The hotel had this great view and I had a day off so I had them set up the proposal there. I made it so that we were going to spend the night at the hotel. I had the guys make me a chocolate box and everything. It was my birthday, too, so I made it out like it was for my birthday. So we get there and check in and we order in the lounge and they bring out a cake with the box on top and I say oh wow babe, why don’t you open it? And she says no why don’t you open it, it’s your birthday! And it goes back and forth a few times. Finally she opens it and I get down on one knee and everyone was there and she turned bright red.
How long have you been a parent? One year. My wife always had a plan. She wanted to be married by twenty seven, have her first kid by twenty nine, and so on. I was never like that; at least I never had those kind of benchmarks. So we planned it and we had Ellianna, who just had her First Birthday. When we found out she was pregnant it was just a big Wow. She was like babe I got something for you. I was at work. I found out because she left the pregnancy test on my pillow. It is a feeling you cant’ explain; its that Fatherhood feeling. I don’t think I was feeling the same thing my wife was feeling. It was, Man, I’m gonna be a DAD!
How many kids do you have? Ellianna just had her first birthday June 25th. Everyone asks if you want a boy or a girl. It never mattered so much, just so long as it was healthy. You know, we were both so excited, so we told everybody. Her parents freaked out and were thrilled. Every month her parents gave us knowledge, helped us set up the baby room, buy furniture, etc… It was scary, too, cause they say that the first baby is the hardest. They say the likelihood of a miscarriage is higher than for the rest of them. So I’m not gonna say it was an easy pregnancy. We ran into a lot of problems in the first three months. Thank god my parents were there because she couldn’t even go to work for two weeks. She had to stay off her feet, the Doctor’s orders. Every time we looked at the sonogram the doctor was like, mmm it could be something—it looked like a little piece of rice—but we’re not sure yet so you just gotta give it a little time. They couldn’t tell if it was gonna, you know, stick. It drove us crazy. Every little thing that happened, we Googled it. We read all the books. But hey, nature works in all its ways and she pulled through. So she was getting bigger and bigger and I was working, and we were doing alright at the store. It was really great that I was able to be flexible with my schedule. Around this time I decided I was ready to open up another store. So I went out looking. I was walking down Smith St., and I found the old Hookah joint. They had the vacant space and they weren’t doing anything with it. I wanted to take it over and they, the Zaytoons guys, they got right on board. Six weeks later we had it set up and we were in. Pretty soon after that she had the baby. This happened at, like, 2AM. I’m sitting on the couch chilling, and she’s like, babe I think my water just broke. Its 2AM, you know? So I’m like, Really? What do we do? Her bag was only partially packed! So I called the doctor and he told us it was fine, to go to the hospital at six or seven. We were over packing, putting way too much in the bag. You don’t really need that much. We only lived four or five blocks from the hospital, but we still drove there, checked in, and I called my guys and told them I was about to be a Dad and that they had to open up, run shop, take care of everything. At around twelve thirty Elli came out. I was taking pictures of her all cleaned up with my phone. It was the greatest feeling. It’s that one moment when the baby looks at you and you look at it and you say Hey, I’m your Dad.
What do you consider the hardest obstacle as a dad in business or as an artist? Time management. Being able to spend enough time with Elli. We figured that once the baby was born I could take care of her when Krista was at work and she would take care of her when I was at work. Originally I didn’t even want to work anymore. We had talked about Krista going back to work after her maternity leave and I felt that my team was good enough I didn’t even have to be there. They could just take care of everything. I would just go check in sometimes. That was before we bought the house. Now I am working more than ever. Her parents live only a few blocks from us so they are taking care of Elli all the time. It is kind of hard to let go like that. Every time someone does something with her, I want to know if they are doing it the way I am doing it. I mean, they are essentially raising my kid for the time being. I want to know that they are raising her like it was me doing everything. Since they are grandparents, they want to coddle her, of course. Krista and I don’t want to raise our baby like that, to be so needy and dependent on others. I don’t want to be a mean Dad, I just want to know that she will grow up to be strong and self reliant. That is also why it is so hard to be gone and busy. I want to be there to teach her all my wisdom. That’s the whole point, right? I mean, we drop her off at six and pick her up at five, and we try to put her down by seven thirty. So almost all of her day is already gone. So yeah, time management is rough, and I am even beginning to look at another store, and I am working the Brooklyn Flea doing my fried chicken on Saturdays. So it is essential that my teams are at a point where I don’t have to be there so I can raise my daughter. I am busting my ass because we have a mortgage to pay for on top of the same old bills, house maintenance and our daughter’s future, and we want more kids. I am trying to position us and the business so that it is sustainable for not just the now but for the future, for forever hopefully. I want this to be taking care of my grandkids. In my mind I am already thinking about our lease that expires in four years. Where’s the next spot? The menu is solid; it pretty much stays the same. I’m not the kind of chef that is always coming up with something new. The key is figuring out how to expand and make this a big deal and spend more time with my kid.
Do you feel rushed? I am always rushed. I have always been a little like that.
What is your greatest fear as a Dad? I really have no fear. And here’s my reasoning behind that. I think of fears as obstacles. So each one is kind of inconsequential because I am used to taking each one and getting over it. I don’t let it grow to a point where I am in panic. It is just a battle in a war. I got bills, rent, and payroll. I got stuff I gotta buy tomorrow. I’ve learned to accept that everything is how it is supposed to be. Kind of like Buddhism. Suffering is just another part of life. I’m not religious or anything, but I like that philosophy. I don’t let fear regulate my life; I don’t like that word…maybe that’s my fear. That word…Regulate. Hey, I fear my wife! laughs
What is your greatest joy? My daughter. Family time, when you can just stay home on the weekend and do absolutely nothing That is joy to me. That little time you get to spend, that is joy. It would even be better if I had the grill on.
What’s your favorite meal? Well, dumplings are Krista and my favorite snack. But my favorite meal? Wow. I mean, I’ve grown up in so many different areas, I can’t even tell you. I just love food. I eat everything, name a state or a place and I will tell you– DeFonte’s: Roast beef, mozzarella, eggplant sandwich; Chicago: any steak sandwich; Chinatown: this place called East Ocean and I’d get their Egg, Shrimp, Raisin, Sauce, Fried Rice. If I were in Cali I would go to In and Out. Name anywhere and I will be able to tell you what I want. So when you asked me that question, all these things came up at one time. Ok, but to make it simple… it all comes down to my Grandmother’s cooking because that’s what I grew up with. That’s my tongue. Her soy braised Oxtail over a big-ass bowl of rice because the gravy just is everywhere. So I guess that’s it. OH! You know what else is really good—oh my god—the Hallal chicken and rice on fifty-third and sixth. Oh my god. We gotta go there sometime. The best chicken and rice you will ever have.
Do you cook? I’m a chef. And you know, it is the little things, the basic things. I love food, I always have. I enjoyed cooking so I took that from just regular everyday life and blew that up and now I have a business. And another example is that I started thinking about my kid since I love to go out to eat. Where can I take her? So now I am building a website. It’ll be free for places to be listed. We find out if they are baby friendly. The strange thing is there is nothing like this except for maybe Time Out New York. I want to go to each place and check it out. If I bring my kid and everyone is in suits then I guess it isn’t so baby friendly. So I have to go and see for myself.
How many cups of coffee do you drink a day? I make about four or five cups in the morning. I put in some Kona that my brother sends me from Hawai’i. Usually, I will just make the House Blend from D’amico’s. I put it all in my traveler’s mug and drive to the store. Then, once I’m at work, I’ll go to D’amico’s and pick up another Large. Then I just chill out. Its around twelve o’clock and I just settle down, but towards two I need another one. If there is any left when I get home I will probably drink that. So probably about ten cups a day. Before, when we first opened, coffee didn’t even do it. We started buying packs of Monster Rock Star. I mean I was working seven days a week, twenty hours a day, for three months straight. Everyone was worried, but what could I do? I had to make sure that everything worked out so that we would have a good foundation.
Do you have any pets? We have an Old English Bulldog named Layla. She was kind of our first test, from bulldog to Elli, you know? We bought her when we were on John St. when I was a broker. It was our last year living in Manhattan. We bought our dog because, well, who doesn’t like a dog? So we did research and we got her at a kennel in Alabama. Layla’s our little runt. The first ten months were horrible. We had to teach her how to be housebroken. Then she was teething and she just bit everything. Training the dog and caring for her and all kind of got us ready for being parents. When Elli was born we tried to get the dog ready. She was so jealous when the baby came. When we got home from the hospital, she was just miserable. She would just go off and pout. As Elli got older and she started throwing food on the floor—I taught her how to feed Layla—things got better. Now they are on amicable terms.
How do you feel about sex? My wife is going to kill me for saying this. We were always so inhibited because we lived in an apartment. Now we have pretty thick walls. It is great. We have our castle, just fornicating where ever. The baby is sleeping and she has her own sound machine so we don’t worry about waking her. I think it is a healthy relationship. The more we do it the less stressed we are. If we don’t for a while we get on each other’s nerves and its like, lets just shut up, and it makes everything a little better. We have plans to maybe try for another kid by next year.
How do you pamper yourself or your partner? I like to eat, so I definitely pamper myself by going out and trying new things. For my wife, I try to do more housework. I have a problem listening. There is so much going on in my head that when there is something out of the ordinary I just short fuse a little. I will just say yes to something without paying any attention and she’s like, that isn’t even the kind of question I just asked you. Then she gets upset. So I try to really help because she does so much in the house. I let her watch the Housewives of Where Ever and eat her ice cream and relax. She is very ticklish so I can’t give her a massage. Also I take her to Hawaii so we can visit my parents and my brother and just chill out. Brooklyn isn’t that urban but we like to get away. We appreciate the silence now that we are living out in New Jersey. And more sex.
What do you call fun? Fun right now, being that we bought the house, is doing the house work. As tedious as it is, going to Lowe’s—I know how American that sounds—but going to Lowe’s and getting your toys—your lawnmower, your hedge trimmer—and working on the house is the best. Mowing the lawn has become a craft to me. I look at a crumby job and think about how the lines aren’t straight. And I am only on week four. So I guess playing house. And playing with my daughter. And sex.
How often do you speak to your mother and/or father? We’ve always been close, on good terms. I guess no call is a good call. It means everything is good. My dad is retired, but my mom can’t rest. She will never retire. She does side jobs, helping out at a restaurant. My dad does calligraphy. It is a meditation for him. He did our entire family tree. Each person is a character in this long poem. Something like, “Have love for your country and learn from the wise.” That is my children’s chapter in the poem. Dad picked out four characters for the poem for our part in it, so we have to have four kids to complete the poem. Each name has a meaning and that adds to the story. Elli’s name is Gong Sin, last name Chan. Sin is like Kind Hearted. Then we would have to pick another poem for the grandkids. This has been going on for ten generations. It’s beautiful.
How do in-laws affect your life? They’ve been there for me ever since I met Kristen. They’re my parents on the East Coast. They’ve helped us in so many ways I can’t even explain. There are not enough thanks I can give to show how much I appreciate them. From the littlest to the biggest things, they’ve done it with no questions asked. I remember when I told them I wanted to marry their daughter; it was a week before I wanted to propose. We were going out somewhere and Krista left the car to go get something in the house. Dad was driving, mom was in the passenger seat, I was in the back, and I’m like, oh hey real quick: Can I marry your daughter? His face was priceless. Her mom was like, Oh yeah! Honey Say Yeah! When are you going to do this? I told them next week. They were the parents who taught me domestic life whereas my parents taught me how to make it in this world. My parents were always so busy and we only got to spend time together when we went shopping. Krista’s parents are more family oriented. I want Elli to get both of those worlds, business and personal. If she has a good grasp on that she will turn out alright.
What role does religion play in your life, and how important do you consider some form of faith to be on the development of your child? I want to show her what religion is. It gives people hope and that is all. It sells them a dream. If they don’t believe in themselves they can just believe in God and God will show them the way. In the end, though, if you believed in yourself then you would make it happen for yourself. If you tell the universe over and over and over that you want something, if you focus all your mental energy, its gonna happen. I don’t think we should live under certain paradigms or principles where I’m Catholic so I have to do this or I’m Jewish so I can’t do that. All that BS is just used to control the masses. Think of the Pope. He’s got a huge army in his hands because all those people would follow him and do whatever he told them to. It is just another form of government. I want Elli to understand that. And God? Nobody knows! It’s a concept. It’s like the Force. You feel it but you can’t explain it. It isn’t some Being. It is just your subconscious. All these religions try to personify their feelings. If I had my choice I would gear her toward understanding a religion rather than falling for it. It is for the weak, as Communist as that sounds. I don’t want her to feel weak. I want her to believe in herself.
What is your favorite time of the day? Lunch is huge, I mean, whenever I get to eat is the best. Probably… I don’t know. I get too deep into these questions. From five to sundown in the summer. But basically from eleven to three pm. I know everything I have to do has been done and anything surprising has already happened. No more inspectors, no more worries.
Are you prepared for a disaster? Do you have a plan for where to meet etc? When I was little I used to get really paranoid about natural disasters. So whenever it rained I would pack my bags and be ready to go, even though we lived in Chinatown and there’s no way there was any danger there. My grandpa and my friends would be there and just be like, what are you doing? Going back to what do I fear, I don’t know what would happen if there were some disaster, but I feel sure that I would be able to handle whatever happened. Disaster happens all the time at the restaurant; it is just whether or not anyone notices. I handle it well. You gotta have an easy going attitude. I know everything will work out.
Favorite movie, book, car, shoes, actor, music? When I was a broker, my boss gave me a book from Napoleon Hill called Think and Grow Rich. Changed my life. I read it when I was twenty-one. You read the cover and think it is about money, but it is a whole philosophy. You think differently. It is my favorite book. Once you read that, it is with you forever. It taught me how to be a man and a businessman. Surprisingly my parents never taught me money values. They taught me to work hard. In Rich Dad Poor Dad it says that kids these days don’t understand the concept of finances. And I don’t. After twenty-one years of bad money habits, it is really hard to break. You gotta find that one thing that tips that scale. That is what our kids need to learn. They need to learn all about money and how it works and how it to make it work for you. Anyway, as for a movie, I love The Godfather I and II. Just the way he came to America and how he made it, how he passed down his knowledge to his kids. The lessons of loyalty in the Godfather, how he developed a reputation and helped everyone out that he could. He came from nothing. All he knew was that he had to survive. He was a family man. Every time it is on I have to sit down and watch. My favorite used to be Star Wars. My room-mate in college introduced me and even though I had seen it, I had never really thought about it before. My favorite musician right now is the Silver Spur Pickups. They are very fast paced. They have great notes and voices and are just a lot of fun.
What do you consider the most important thing that a father can teach a child? I gotta teach Elli to be self reliant and responsible instead of being dependent on others. To be confident. If she trusts in her self she wont have to go to others. The whole generation of these kids with MTV—it is getting faster and faster and it is all just too much. From ten to twenty three, they’ve got a mentality of entitlement. That is what is deteriorating America. Everything is just handed to them. There are no values being passed down because television and the Internet are raising our children. It is up to our generation of parents to change this. And the other big thing I want to teach her is to be happy and to enjoy life. That was the big lesson from being a stockbroker and then going into Culinary School. You hear it all the time in the subway, everyone complaining instead of doing something about it, being complacent. Pick yourself up and leave! The worst thing you can do in life is to do something forever that you hate. It’s like being in a bad marriage. A lot of people don’t seek their happiness because they have the fear of stepping out of their comfort zone and not making it. If more people took a stand, I don’t think America would be in this position right now. I see it looking at all the kids in this neighborhood. I see these juniors come into my store and they have no idea as to what they want. They aren’t even thinking about it. I mean they are hardly thinking at all. You know, I am not afraid to say that I voted for Obama. He inspired me. I think that is just as important as changing tangible things. He positively affected the psyche of America, and that is where everything starts.
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Dominic Fumusa, In his favorite role!
Kingdom-Dad was lucky enough to catch up with this very talented and super busy dad.
To learn more about what he’s been up to: www.imdb.com
How old are you? 40
Where were you born? Madison, Wisconsin
When did you come to NYC & why? I came to New York at the end of 1996 for acting. I had been working in Chicago and had just done a season at the Stratford Shakespeare Festival in Canada. I just came here with a bit of money in my pockets, not enough of course, looking for a gig.
When and how did you decide to become an actor? It was in college when I was a football player but was also doing the school plays. Basically when I was twenty as a political science major when most of my friends were getting ready to take the LSAT and preparing for law school that I realized that the idea of not working in the theater seemed very troubling to me. And luckily like it is so often when you get to a point in your life when you have to make these kinds of decisions it’s the people around you that really make a difference. And I had some great professors around me who had directed me in these plays and said “ look, for what’s it’s worth, we think if you want to pursue this then you should go for it.” And they encouraged me to do that so instead of going to law school I went to graduate school for acting and got an MFA at the University of Illinois. After that I headed to Chicago and started working there. My first real acting job I got was as an understudy along with Bobby Cannavale at the Roundabout Theater Company in a play that Bill Erwin. I totally worked my way up as it were. And I would definitely say the best job I’ve had is the job I have right now working on Nurse Jackie.
And why is that? Because I get to do what I know how to do and what I love to do. I get to work with amazing people. I play Edie Falco’s husband so I work with her every day and it’s here New York I didn’t have to go to L.A to do it. This is Ideal. I’ve been based in New York my whole professional career. I mean I’ve been out to L.A. and worked out there, I like L.A. but I have now real desire to move there on any kind of permanent basis.
What is it about NYC? I think in New York you can have a normal life it’s a real place where it’s a mix of everything and everybody not just in terms of multiculturalism but also the diversity of professions. And you know when you’re in L.A. as well you know, everything is about the business. There are times when that’s great and your part of something pumping and cool and you’ve got your hand on the beat, but when there’s down time in L.A. it’s awful.
What were some of the worst jobs you’ve ever had? I was hired when I was Junior in high school and was trying to make some money so I could go on spring break with my buddies so I worked at McDonalds but the only time I could work was the 5am shift on a Saturday. The first thing I had to to at 5:30 in the morning was clean the bathrooms and you can imagine what that was like after a Friday night. I lasted about a month, until I decided that there’s no amount of money to keep me doing that. But that reminds me that I had some funny day jobs when I first got to New York. One time I was hired to count people going in and out of an elevator by the Otis Elevator Company. Spent three days in a high rise just going up and down. I was hired to demonstrate how to use toys at FAO Schwarz my first Christmas, in 1996. I remember the director & actor Tim Robbins came in and I was just dying inside going “no I’m an actor” and he’s like “can you tell me about this toy” And you know I did the traditional stuff. And speaking of 911 I worked as a temp in the summer of 1997 for Cantor Fitzgerald on one of the top floors in One World Trade Center, there the company that lost out of their 600 or so employees, they lost like 2/3 of them. One time I got hired to get dressed up as superman and go to the Jacob Javits Center and stand in a booth for two days and hand out flyers and shit.
How did you get your start? Well for sure it’s been a slow thing. You know you meet people along the way and it takes some luck and it takes finding people who can introduce you to people who can actually hire you. It’s been many little steps to get to this point where I’m making my living at it and it’s my career. It’s definitely been a long road. I did theater mostly through my twenties and then started to do some TV work right when I turned thirty. But you know still it’s in fit’s and starts just because you get a couple of gigs TV doesn’t mean you all of the sudden are getting steady work on television.
Are you interested in working in film? I guess I’ve done around a dozen, mostly independent films some of which have never seen the light of day, which is as you know just the nature of the beast. I think the biggest movie I’ve ever been on had a budget of around $15 million which, you know in movie terms is not big. So now that I’ve got a regular gig on TV that’s the next thing I’m heavily pursuing.
When & where did you meet your partner? We met while rehearsing a play together here in the city and then took it down to the Kennedy Center in D.C. We had some mutual friends so we kind of knew of each other a little bit but we never really met or hung out. So we played love interests in this play and toward the end of the run we just carried it over into real life.
That seems to happen often on movie sets, do you have any tools or devices you use to keep your mind clear to realities?
Well hopefully it only happens once. I’ve always been a faithful guy, when I’m with a women I’m with that women, you know. I mean we’re all men and have the normal thoughts that men have or women too I guess, we’re human and we’re attracted to all kinds of people. Funny because when we got married we gave an interview about actors “hooking up” and I remember we both sort of said that “you know we’re basically normal good people who just so happen to be actors”. Now that I have kids it’s a whole different ball game. When I was in my twenties I dated a lot, and if I hooked up with an actress or whatever I kind of new it was just temporary. But when I met Ilana and we started talking about wanting to get married and having kids it became a whole different thing. I think it’s not uncommon for actors to hook up but I got that out of my system and now I’m happily married and it’s all good.
How many kids do you have? Georgia 6.5 years & Caleb is 4.
What do you consider the hardest obstacle to manage as a dad in business or as an artist? I think it’s two fold, one it’s finding time to do the things you’d like to do with your kids on a consistent basis. I mean I can always find time for the special stuff that happen like presentations at school or the little field trips. But just the every day, finding that time to read to them or be there at meal time or bed time. My schedule’s so wacky that I can be that person for weeks or months at a time and then I’m gone. Like right now I’m doing a play and I haven’t put my kids to bed for over a month, because I’m at the theater. And the other part of that is once you do have the time, just to actually focus 100% on them. My intention is to always be genuine and pure that way, like “I’m just daddy right now” but how often can we be just one thing, be “just daddy” right now? I’m not worrying about my job, I’m not worrying about getting this done or that done, you know trying to get in-roads here of there or whatever. I’m just daddy, that’s hard man! It’s hard to focus like that but you know they deserve it and hopefully we’re better at it more often than not.
What’s your definition of free? Hmm, that’s a great question. I would say waking up in the morning and not having to report to anybody else. Not having to shape my day based on other peoples demands and desires. I mean obviously there’s “free” and then there’s “free”. We all have a structure we have to fall into once we’ve agreed to participate in a job or any other structured type of situation. I guess it comes down to if I want to be there. It’s doing something that I want to do. You know my dad went to work at Oscar Mayer for 40 years and every morning he said he’d get to the office, sit down at his desk and just feel a little sick to his stomach. He’d have a cup of coffee, sort of settle down and he’d make it work. As a young man he was a musician and had the soul of an artist. I think that really played on me as a kid growing up and I realize very clearly that I didn’t want to have to “report to the man” every morning. Not that you can’t find freedom within that, I think people do and I certainly don’t want to come across as somebody who thinks less of someone who has that kind of life. There are perks, with that life comes a steady paycheck and a stable life and of course another type of freedom to do things because you know you have that and can maybe spend your free time in a different way. The idea that I get to spend most of my life doing something I enjoy and not just because it’s what sustains me is a big part of what I call being free.
Do you feel rushed? Often, yes I feel like there’s an internal clock that drives, I think most of us, especially in NY. Having grown up in the Midwest I know what it’s like to have a slower pace and not be so rushed. But I was drawn even as a young child to a driven sort of schedule, the energy I wanted to be around people who had lots of energy and who were pushing themselves. I wish I could settle down or settle in and “smell the roses” as it were but at the same time too much of that makes me go nuts. We’ve made it a family tradition to go to Martha’s Vineyard every summer for two weeks and about a week into it, I’m like “I gotta get out of here”. It’s a balance.
What is your greatest fear? I have a bunch of them. I fear for my kids. There is definitely nothing worse that could happen to me than if something were to happen to my kids. But also I fear on a professional level I fear long stretches of unemployment, ha ha. Maybe more than that I fear or feeling anyway that I matter. That what I do is a legitimate contribution to the world that I’m in. I remember speaking with a girl I was dating at the time and would tell her my dreams of becoming a “big actor” and she’s like “can’t you just be an actor” and I thought yes and ultimately that’s the goal, but if I don’t dream then it undermines my perception of what’s possible in the world. I never wanted to be just Ok at what I was doing. So I have this fear that I’m not pushing my self or making the best effort I can make or raising my game with each day with each year with each job. Wanting to continue to get better and better. I fear stagnation & mediocrity. I don’t know maybe that’s highfalutin. I also fear death. (he laughs) I wake up at 3am and have these irrational feelings about what will happen and about life and death. And then I get up in the morning and think what the fuck? The sun brings a calm and a confidence that I don’t have in the middle of the night, kind of crazy. I’m not afraid of the dark, I just know that when I wake up in the middle of the night I often have this anxiety that I don’t have during my waking life.
What is your greatest joy? My children.
How would you define love? I think love is knowing that no matter what happens you’re still going to be together and that you’ll work through anything. Love is bringing out the best in each other and you should be at your best when you’re with your partner. If you’re not the best when you’re with your partner then maybe not with the right person.
Do you cook, what’s your favorite meal? I don’t cook, but I like to eat. I like spicy food. I like ethnic food. I love middle eastern hummus & baba ganoush. I love Mexican food. I love food that has a kick to it.
Do you drink coffee & how many cups per day? 3 – 4.
Do you like to travel how often, favorite climate? I travel all the time and love it but my favorite place or weather would be the beach.
If you could live anywhere on earth where would it be? A big city, but I guess not just any big city it would have to be New York or London.
How do you pamper your partner? I love to get Ilana this recurring gift of a massage at Bliss Spa.
What’s your favorite pastime as a family? This annual two weeks we spend together in Martha’s Vineyard.
How often do you speak to your mother and or father? Often, every day I just pick up the phone. I didn’t do that 10 years ago when long distance was what it was but now it’s so easy.
How do in-laws affect your life? I’m very close with both of them.
What role does religion play in your life and how important do you consider some form of faith or religion has on the development of your child? Religion plays a significant role in my life. I was raised catholic, converted to Judaism. I’ve always felt a connection to a spiritual side. I don’t necessarily practice my religion in any sort of day to day strict way although there are certain ways in which I practice. With respect to raising children I think faith of any kind is actually very valuable. Going back to when I was speaking earlier about doing something that mattered and actually contributing in a meaningful way both on a personal and professional level takes me back to a time when I was a child and I felt empowered by this idea that there was this higher power and that he, she, it. whatever it is, cared about me. That my life mattered that this isn’t just some sort of random goings on here. Not to devalue the scientific side of this, because there’s nothing that drives me crazier than when people want to fight the teachings of evolution or other hard sciences. You know I’ve been on this planet for forty years and I know that there’s so much that we don’t understand and for me to think that I know all the answers through just a science book or things that are in front of me tangible and logical is just naive. I know that religions get used in a hateful ways and wars are fought over them and that’s unfortunate. But to say that all we need to know about the world are things that we can observe and calculate and explain through science and math, as an artists I know that’s a total 100% crock of shit. Because there are things that I see and feel that no scientist or doctor could ever explain to me, I know it. To the extent that I know anything, to the extent that I’m alive. I can’t prove it or put it down on paper, but I know it. And if that’s not true then you might as well say that I’m not true or I don’t existed because that’s at the core of who I am.
Do you limit TV? We try but it’s very hard. I think trying goes a long way at least the kid has a sense that there is a limit and the TV shouldn’t be on all the time. I think my kids understand that playing and reading are so much more rewarding than television.
What is your favorite time of the day? Just before I go to bed, which is funny because I’m fine then a few hours later if I wake up I’m totally fucked, ha, ha.
Are you prepared for a disaster, do you have a plan for where to meet etc? No, not in any real way.
Favorite movie, book, car, shoes, actor, music? Actors, Montegomery Clift. I think the greatest actor of all time was Marlon Brando hands down, but everybody says that so I’m not adding anything to the conversation. Books, I like to read history and lately books on the Civil War. Music I like the old 70’s Rock & Roll, CCR, Eagles, Led Zeppelin. No synthesizers.
What do you consider the most important thing that a father can teach a child, if you could choose one basic principle to share and pass down to your kid what would it be? With out a doubt hard work. That’s it for me in a nutshell other than the basics that you’re loved. I think to teach a child that they can do anything if they work for it. I would add that along with hard work that a real love of reading is so important because it opens up so many doors and luckily I’ve got a daughter who’s obsessed with reading. I think it’s very important to work towards giving them a strong sense of self & encourage them to be thoughtful & ethical people.
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Michael Blake, JAZZ dad!
More about Michael Blake:
Saxophonist-Composer-Teacher
www.michaelblakemusic.blogspot.com
IT. How old are you now?
MB. 45
IT: Where were you born?
Mb: I was born in Montreal, Canada
IT: How long have you been a parent?
MB: 7 Years
IT: Are you still married?
MB: No I’m a single dad, I’m divorced.
IT: How many kids do you have?
MB: Two kids, Iris who’s 12 months and lives with her mom Leslie in Canada & Roland who’s 6.5 who I co-parent with his mom Liz here in Brooklyn.
IT. When did you come to New York City and why?
MB. I’ve been in NYC since 86, I came for music
IT: What are you up to with music now?
MB: I’m still a musician & I’m really enjoying teaching too. it’s become something I find really gratifying, Working with other people. I really like the social aspect of music and that it’s not a solitary art form like painting, writing or even as a dancer. Music is just so social That’s why I dig how many dads in the park play a little guitar, you know, people are in bands that they do around day jobs or companies they run. Music’s so great for that. I think it’s a little bit weird being a professional, Having done music my whole life to see people doing it for purely commercial reasons as apposed to artistic ones. there are a lot more musicians in this community doing it commercially instead of for the creativity. A lot of these guys are younger than me and realized oh, if I’m gonna make a living at this it’s not going to be getting a hit song in my rock band, or maybe being a song writer, or maybe it is being a song writer, But a lot of the skilled one’s are writing music for other media, tv commercials or whatever, I know so many great musicians who do that stuff. Luckily, I mean, I’ve gotten some opportunities to do it as well. it’s nice to work at home and get a paycheck, like when I wrote the under scores to the Backyardigans. I gotta say I like workin, as long as I’m workin, projects, projects, projects. But every time you do something, like if I’m a side man in someone’s band, I can’t wait to be the leader and if I’m a leader, I’m looking forward to being a side man.
IT: How has it been being a dad and freelance musician?
MB: I’m very fortunate that Roland’s Mom covers for me when I go on the road. She also travels for work so I do the same when she has a business trip. So far we’ve been lucky and we both haven’t had to travel at the same time! We need sitters and playdates to help on school days and most of my rehearsals and sessions usually take place during school hours. I pick Roland up a lot because my schedule is flexible and it allows me to work around Ro’s activities.
IT: What were the worst & or best jobs you’ve had?
Mb: When I was with the Lounge lizards back in the 90’s that were dream concerts playing for 5000 people at the top of mountain in Athens or you know, last year I had Manfred Eicher, producer at ECM, come up to me and tell me he loved my sound, just these interactions with people. My favorite experience I’ve had was just a few years ago playing at this Manzoni Theater in Milano, what’s called Mito Festival which is the Milano Turino music festival, in this great theater too which held about1500 people and it was pretty full for the concert so it was nice that it was such a big crowd and we did this tune I wrote for my father and it was very dramatic. well it was this really touching moment, you know, and the crowd started clapping and it seemed like they clapped for minutes, but I timed it and it ended up being like 30 seconds but for a jazz composition, for instrumental music, for people to clap non stop, and then it starts to die out and builds up again, and continues for 30 seconds, that was unbelievable. I’ve never experienced that, I’ve experienced that at the end of concerts but never after a piece that they were so moved by and there were old and young alike at that concert. just the fact that they understood the music and enjoyed it, that they got it… I felt so moved my voice cracked when I announced the composition.
IT: In your music, what’s most important?
MB: Communicating. Technique is limitless, but music is about being in the moment. People aren’t in the moment a lot of the time because they’re dealing with technical things that are just that and are taking them out of the moment. So they visit the same place over and over again because of this technical perfection they’re trying to achieve. For example Coltrane was a kind of player who managed to push and get through these technical challenges and yet always get his musical expression across because he made mistakes and he reached out for shit – all the time. But I think so many players that come out of the schools these days avoid risk. They don’t lay their souls out on the line. But it’s good to make mistakes. Ultimately we’re all trying to connect with other people, right? To err is human! And I think any curious jazz listener who loves the humanity in the art form wants to feel part of that risk. it’s exciting. That’s what makes jazz the ‘Sound of Surpirse”.
IT: Do you feel rushed?
MB: Feel rushed… yea, I miss those lazy days. I think back to when I could just do whatever I wanted to do it, but I had a lot of that kind of time, I’m a musician after all and I get to do what I love and set my own parameters so when I was working and making a certain amount of money and could have worked twice as hard and make even more money, I often chose to coast. Being a parent doesn’t allow that same luxury so I try to use my time efficiently. When I’m home I feel relaxed cause the road is a little hectic and when there are hassles that are out of my control it can get frustrating and stressful. I am always in a rush to get home!
IT: Do you like to cook?
MB: I just cooked an omelette Almost every night, I like to cook.
It: Do you drink coffee, how many cups per day?
MB: I love coffee two or three
IT: What’s your definition of free?
Mb: I can’t define free but I like to think that bartering is a good example of freedom. It defies the notions of currency being the sole means to share wealth, knowledge, power and ideas. Everyone should have the right to exchange their special abilities w other people without regard to age, race or sex. I wish I could exchange a sax solo for a years worth of cheerios. my son’s snack needs would be solved!
IT: Favorite movie, book, car, shoes, actor, music?
MB: Fave films The Big Lebowski, Walkabout, Stagecoach… So many I can’t think of right now. I just watched Stagecoach last night and it was awesome. I like foreign directors too…Herzog, Godard, Fellini, etc. I watch a lot of films on planes. Things like Avatar really suffer while the Hurt Locker is mesmerizing in any format. I thought Crazy Heart was a nice film. I gotta say, Jeff Bridges is consistently good but I don’t have a favorite.
I love a great solo/lead performance in any field. I think so much art – modern dance for example can open our minds and imagination but it really depends on the quality of the work. For example I saw William Forsyth at BAM and was blown away.
I really love vintage Reggae and SKA and my son Roland was named after the great Studio One tenor player and arranger Roland Alphonso. As well as ‘Rahsaan’ Roland Kirk.
Book – Coming Through Slaughter by Michael Ondaatje
TV – Curb Your Enthusiasm, 30rock, The Office, Fawlty Towers
IT: Are you prepared for disaster?
MB: Some years ago Ro’s mom bought a crank radio and even picked up some of those anti chemical resilient applicators and a big stock of water. This was a bit after 9/11 but It still seemed to me to be a bit ridiculous, but she really thought about it. I’m just not thinking like that, it’s stupid because something could happen here or anywhere. There’re natural disasters, break downs of infra structure and obviously terrorism as the added fear token. So I guess the answer is no, not really but I think a rendezvous is a really good idea.
IT: What is your greatest fear?
MB: My fears are fairly practical. I’m the kind of person that after I’ve put my son to bed and I’m relaxing, I start thinking of any scary thing that could possibly happen to Roland, it’s horrifying, I start going down this tunnel of fear, I mean to randomly think about flying could scare the shit out of you, but then when you get to the airport and your getting ready to fly you get into a completely different head space, just getting from point at to point b And you just try to have as good of a time as you can in that situation. I mean let’s face it anything could happen at any time. My fears more are accidents & bad luck, but I visualize positive things in order to make positive things happen, so I’m not that type of person. I take bad luck really hard because I’m constantly trying to visualize good things for my self and for other people, so if something shitty happens I take it personally. But luckily I’ve made it through a ruptured appendix which required two surgeries, my dad dying, my car getting stolen and my wife wanting a divorce all in the same period. So, you know I’ve gotten through some really heavy shit in the past few years, but I stay positive.
IT: What do you consider the hardest obstacle to manage as a dad in business and/or as an artist?
MB: I guess the hard part of being a dad is you’re giving up a lot of your time and energy for your kids and then other people also need time and energy from you and you can’t just shut them out because you’ve been giving up so much for the kids. This is what I think is so difficult for so many marriages, when you get past the 5-6 year period, the parents have been giving up so much of themselves, and I give up more time than my parents did.
I think what happens is that the partners get disengaged, and maybe then the role reversal has some effect. It’s so funny I was the dad bringing the baby to the mom in the office and she had to go into the closet and breast feed the baby and then he’s like in a milk high and in a great mood, but it was worth it, it’s just so funny to think of the things we’ve had to do with Roland to give him this life where we’re very present. I would have to feed him with her breast milk out the bottle with a spoon and it would always spill and you know how sweet and delicious that stuff is – it’s like gold – and I would get pissed off at him and that’s the thing with being a father is that you’ve got to understand that kids are just not going make it easy on you sometimes man, And every time you get over some hurdle or the transition out of one phase and you get this month or two of bliss of this like “I love you dad” and it’s easy and everything seems easy and then all of the sudden it’s like oh god now what? What new challenge is coming up? I used to get frustrated and yell and startle Roland and I remember startling him on a number of occasions, then realizing, “ooh man, I don’t want to be that kind of dad” but sometimes it seems like getting angry is the only way to get him in line, but I don’t have to do that anymore.
I use a color system, green, yellow, red. So he knows you don’t want daddy to see red, because I’m gonna yell and I’m gonna let him have it. But he doesn’t want that kind of attention, and you know he’s aware of it.
And that’s what I find to be really such an important part of being a single dad is knowing my own limitations and that I can communicate that, you know everyone’s communicating and whatever went wrong in the past, we’re communicating now so we’re not making the same mistakes over and over. And you know you have to cut yourself some slack, like, “man I should have handled that differently” Or at just the same time you can say “man I handled that really well”. Just the other day Roland was have this big meltdown and I said to my girlfriend, “ I think I handled that really well” and she says “what do you mean you handled everything well, you’re a great dad”! and that means a lot to me. Luckily things come in waves so now I know just to be patient and hang in there.
IT: Do you limit TV, video games, bedtime?
MB: Roland has played online for awhile. Recently he got a Star Wars Lego video game and he seems to have mastered that and wants another. His Mom has a smart rule that he does his reading assignments before the game. I need to do a better job of sticking with that! He watched cartoons and movies but not in excess. I don’t have a TV so he’s not pummeled with commercial temptations like I was when I was a kid.
IT. What role does religion play in your life and how important do you consider some form of faith has on the development of your child?
MB: Well my father wanted to be priest when he was twenty but by the time he was forty we were taught that organized religion was, well it was dismissed. Roland only asks me questions about “heavy & smell, which is “heaven and hell” and that’s because out of my knowledge an older kid started talking about heaven and hell, and really scared Roland and he wasn’t ready for that, and this kid really laid some dark shit on him at a moment when I think he was really vulnerable and we’ had to deal with that for a while. since then he seems content in knowing we don’t know what lies beyond our ‘reality’. I tried to find out what this kid said, and found out he was having to deal with my mortality. The kid said something like “both your parents are going to die one day and they might go to heaven or they might go to hell” He likes to think of it like a jedi, that your body disappears but your soul is still present here and in the spirit world.
IT: How do you pamper yourself or your partner?
MB: I find time to swim two or three days a week. It’s physical exercise, mediation and therapy all in one! I love to go out to eat at restaurants and take in the occasional concert. I especially enjoy intimacy and lazy days with my partner.
IT: If you could live anywhere on earth where would it be?
MB: I really love living here in Brooklyn. I don’t think of living anywhere else. I’m not super into traveling for pleasure I love the beauty of seeing all those wonderful places while traveling for my work and it may be difficult for someone who doesn’t get to do that to hear that but it’s just the truth for me. I’ve been super lucky to have seen the world, over & over & over in more aspect that I can even believe. I’ve been to Japan, Vietnam & all over the US and Europe and hopefully soon to China & Australia. I certainly would love to see Africa and India, but that’s about it. I have no real desire to travel to Mongolia. Or maybe Ellesmere island which I’d love to see but I know that the the chances of going to the Arctic in the summer, well I probably won’t get to do that although it looks amazing.
IT: What do you consider the most important thing that a father can teach a child, if you could choose one basic principle to share and pass down to your kid what would it be?
MB. I can’t say there’s one thing. By now anyone reading this interview knows enough about me to see that! Common sense, empathy & patience.How to protect them selves, be careful but not without enjoying the riches of life when things come unexpectedly, it’s a fine line. I guess that’s why I say common sense because you can be dealt a perfect deck and mess it up big time and some people get dealt the shittiest deal and win the jackpot. So I would say try to stay in good health, use good sense and practicality. And with empathy you gain the ability to see one’s own strengths and weaknesses and therefore become more compassionate.
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James Thomas – Eco Hustler – Jaymz Nylon
More about James Thomas:
Ecoist- ecohookups.com ecohustler.com
Music Producer/DJ/Artist-Nylon Recordings
Art Director/Graphic Designer-Creative Accelerator
IT: How old are you?
JN: 42
IT: Where were you born, grew up etc?
JN: Ft Bliss in El Paso, Texas. Soon after we moved to Mannheim, Germany then back to New York, then to Georgia then back to Germany my dad was in the Signal Corps. We bounced around to other places, California and even some time in New York and such but they didn’t have much effect, they were short term. Mostly in Georgia through high school & college.
IT: Are you still married?
JN: Yes I’m re-married to Ria, we got married in Sydney, Australia
IT: How many kids do you have?
JN: Two a 16 year old and a 6 year old.
IT: When did you come to NYC & why:
JN: 1989 after college
IT: What was your first job?
JN: My first job I was 15 Wife Saver cleaning chickens I remember getting cut, and dealing with those dead birds but it was my first taste of financial freedom when I got my first car at 15 a red VW bug. Then Home Folks Wholesale it was this good ole boys place where they supplied candy and cigarettes to all the local stores. So I did that while I was going to school at the Augusta State University. And then I started working at a Chemical pharmacy delivering these low grade radiation boxes which was great because it took me out into these rural areas where I would deliver it to all the local hospitals where I met a very international cross section of people from India from other parts of Asia. It gave me this feeling that the rest of the world was out there beyond Augusta. The two owners had a plane and they would fly back and forth from Atlanta where they lived and hey were these worldly men who drove Alfa Romeos and even though they were from Georgia, they reminded me that it’s all out there. Having live all over I’ve always felt like an alien even my friends back then knew that “you’ll be gone” we knew you wouldn’t stay, “it’s not for you”. Then I became a flight attendant after college, yearning for more travel, for American Airlines but I only stayed at that job for about a year. I didn’t like flying for a job and it was the end of it as a “glamorous job”. The actual job itself wasn’t for me. So then this curiosity about New York was pulling me and that’s what brought me here.
So I got a job at Urban Outfitters’ original store on 6th Ave & Waverly where I started meeting lots of people. That’s when I got into the club thing and as I went out people kept saying “oh you look like this guy Collin Meyer are you his brother” which is funny because when we eventually met and we did actually look related, same smile and everything, I was like wow, he could be my brother we were both, like wow. And he introduced me to a party called Deep so I started promoting for them and while getting to know everyone I met this British guy called Steve McMann, who along with my old roommate Ray Guerra, we started this party called “Nylon” and then soon after Ray decided he wanted to concentrate on his fashion so Steve and I continued doing Nylon which became these NY/London “illegal parties”. We had the biggest house music night running, but that was before the Happyland fire in the Bronx which caused the then Mayor David Dinkins to set up a task force to close down those illegal clubs.
So we had to go legal and play the legit clubs where I used to be just DJ James and then one day a girl came up to me and said you’re “jaymz nylon right?” and I was like yea, “I am Jaymz Nylon” Jaymz Nylon, I can sell that. Lol. So I started my own label Nylon Recordings split with Steve, for whatever reason, stopped doing the clubs and I’ve just kept on doing music, produced and made records and enjoyed doing the house music just having amazing people coming in and out of my life doing the whole New York thing.
IT: What the best job you’ve ever had?
JN: My current gig, I run my own website www.Ecohookups.com, which is dedicated to bringing together social networking with the purpose helping Green become “second nature” fun, sexy and cool. And with this new voice in the Green Arena it was only fitting that I create a new alias and the “Eco Hustler” was born. So I’m into being green, graphics & music making.
It all started for me when I started caring about my future ancestors who can build on what I’ve done and hopefully want to keep that going. My legacy which a lot of times was an elitists term where the majority of people didn’t have, if you weren’t from a wealthy background there was no such word since you had nothing to leave or felt that what they had was not worth anything to anyone but since I’ve started caring more about the environment and what I was spending my money on like what type of vehicle I was driving if I was going to drive. That’s when Al Gore came out with An Inconvenient Truth. At that time you were either one of those people who got it or really weren’t paying attention, but got it immediately and realized I have to do something different in my life. I had a gas guzzler so I went down to the Ford dealership, funny because I was never into a Ford anything, I grew up learning that it stood for “fix or repair daily” so I was like, nawh. But we had strollers and needed a car for our daily life, weekend getaways and such, so I looked and the Escape Hybrid. I went to the dealership and they gave me the keys and I had never driven a car that was so absolutely quiet, so I had to shed the Ford stigmatism but also the macho car thing that we grew up with about having a car that didn’t rumble. So I was dealing with some issues just sitting in that hybrid car, but fell in love with it. Then I got the limited edition New York recycles license plate, that said BLK-ECO and people saying that’s funny and started asking what it meant and so I realized I needed to do something to change the way we perceived being green, give it some humor, give it some style and give it some color.
IT: What do you consider the hardest obstacle to manage as a dad in business and/or as an artist?
JN: Time! I’ve really suffered with time and that’s what made my skin really bad I already had a little bit of eczema nothing big but then my body couldn’t take anymore because I would work through the middle of the night when your body needs to repair it’s self. I would work till 4am. I actually got covered with eczema. But through that I discovered I needed to stop drinking any alcohol and find eco-friendly fragrances and make big changes in my diet so I’m finding all these new things now to replace dairy & sugar, like I love this hemp milk & ice cream. I had gained all this weight, didn’t even do the yoga I was supposed to be doing but changing my diet did help with the weight and the eczema, it’s gone and I feel so much better, I can see better I’m more relaxed. I also use Bento on my IPhone it helps keep me organized and the voice memo app too to make notes to keep me on track.
IT: Do you cook?
JN: Yes every day, my dad taught me how to cook, he was a great cook.
IT: What is your favorite meal?
JN: I’m married to a Sicilian so they love Italian food, but my favorite, I could eat something with rice every day I love rice in all it’s forms. We eat a lot of roasted vegetables, I cook with a lot of onions & garlic, I like couscous with a vegetable broth with salmon. But no one can come in the kitchen when I’m cooking, I dream of having a huge kitchen with the island in the middle and the fridge and everything is on the other side but for now it’s my therapy. It’s just like making music I create these meals with textures, smells & colors. It’s kinda similar to the way with my music it’s textures & colors minus the smells. lol
IT: What’s your definition of “free”
JN: I never thought about being free, you know when you’re free you don’t really think about being free. Nothing is really an inconvenience for me. Like say you’re working on something and in that groove, it gets to that point where you’re happy with everything in your life the desperation kind of goes so I don’t get as annoyed like I used to if I’m trying to fix something like it’s the end all be all, or like when I hear “can dad put me to bed to tonight” and I’m in the middle of something I don’t have that feeling of desperation anymore, I say “I’d love” to and I get in there and cuddle up. When you’re free you’re free .
IT: Do you feel rushed?
JN: We all have our moments but for the most part, but we are always trying to rush out of the house because I don’t want to be late, because I married into lateness, Ria’s family is notoriously late but the Thomas’s no, my dad was in the military so we were always a little early. So you know just rushing to get somewhere on time, but in life in the 40’s is a good time. I firmly believe that good guys will win, so I’m chill.
IT: What is your greatest fear?
JN: Drowning to death. I’ve always had that fear, but I’m not afraid of water, I’m the first one jump in even though I’m not the best swimmer. I even want a boat. But maybe that’s just of the unknown or sucumbing to reduced realities.
IT: What is your greatest joy?
JN: I tell Bianca like I told her sister every day when she was young that “I love you to infinity” you know “I’m so honored to be your dad, it’s my favorite thing in the whole wide world…being your parent is the dopest, nothing beats it!” If I could say that I’m really great at one thing, if I had to choose one thing to be good at, it would be the art of fatherhood, because it’s not easy, as you well know, but it’s what you’re putting in and you see that reward, it’s huge. Even with all the issues, people can speak to my child and have a real conversation or to see her with her friends or in other social situations and feel like wow, I contributed to this wonderful person.
IT: How would you define love?
JN: Love? Love is like, where funk music is… what makes something funky… it’s what’s in between, you feel it and you know it’s there but you can’t really describe it. No matter how many people write sonnets, love of this or that it still doesn’t capture what it is and you can’t define what it is you can’t make yourself feel it, can’t stop It’s like that piece of funky music, it’s not the drums it’s not the kick, it’s the space in between all those sounds. You can’t touch it can’t smell it can’t taste it It’s that in betweenness that everybody kind of shares differently. We can go into the different types of love, love for your mother or love for your cousin, but you can’t really explain “how much do you love me” if somebody asks you and when you tell them, it still falls short. It’s the in between of all those things that you’re saying and doing. Like when you touch someone or when you hug them, there’s some kind of energy, the sound of their voice whether they’re saying something loving or not, just something in there that makes you feel that way, sitting beside you or just in a casual conversation and touches your hand. It’s what’s in between.
IT: Who does the chores and or how are they delegated?
JN: Usually 50/50, but now Ria’s the Creative Director, head of fashion, apparel & accessories for all categories as part of the “greening” of Wal-Mart. So papas holding down the fort plus running my businesses from my home office.
IT: If you could live anywhere on earth where would it be and what’s your favorite climate?
JN: Sydney, Australia, I like it in the 70’s or even LA’s weather. I like the spring and fall here in NY.
IT: How do you pamper yourself or your partner?
JN: Acupuncture. We go to Corner Stone Healing, we love it there and they have a sliding scale. Instead of a movie or whatever we treat ourselves to a healing session. We walk around with these ear clip electrodes, it’s fantastic, afterwards I feel amazing.
IT: What do you call fun?
JN: Our family dance off every Sunday, Bianca always wins. But every day is fun.
IT: What’s your favorite pastime as a family, and or alone?
JN: Laughing
IT: How often do you speak to your mother and or father?
JN: I speak to my dad about every two days they’re still in Augusta GA. We Skype which is super cool for Bianca and them to see each other.
IT: How do in-laws affect your life?
JN: Father in law, never got to meet before he passed. But Ria’s mother and I are tight, we met for the first time on our wedding day but one year before that she gets off the phone after a conversation with me and says, “he sounds too good… he’s got the kind of voice you can’t say no to….sounds like satan” ha ha. We get along great. Ria and I are both the youngest of 5 so Biana’s like number 14 of the grandkids on my side and I think number 19 on hers.
IT: What role does religion play in your life and how important do you consider some form of faith has on the development of your child?
JN: My siblings were all baptized but for some reason my mother wanted me to have a choice and didn’t baptize me. I believe. I would go to church with my grandmother of friend’s family or with my mom. In my family we would always say grace at dinner, we always had a grounding that was god based. I believe in believing and that It’s all one story it’s just translated into whatever language that speaks to your heart. You may be Jewish, you may be Catholic or Buddhist but they all have god it’s just how you want to hear it and how you want to see it No religion is perfect. I believe it’s not meant to be taken verbatim. We need an outside fair way to protect people and as far as religion goes it’s a peaceful place, sometimes after I drop my girl at school I might go into a church and say a prayer and it wouldn’t matter, I may find that peace in a temple or a mosque. You may have a prayer you want to say and you want to be heard, and you know some people believe and don’t believe but does it really hurt you to believe? If you go to a place of worship to ask for forgiveness or simply to ask for help and put positive things out there and pray to this god that may or may not exist, you’re putting positive thoughts out there and believing in doing your best, what could be wrong with that. My favorite part of mass is when you turn to your neighbor and say “peace be with you”. I always leave feeling great. Bianca brings her sketch book and we leave feeling very peaceful and you can see it over her and how she says a prayer before she goes to bed and it helps her relax and be restful, she says “ thanks for such a great day”. I never thought I’d be in this place where religion had such an important place in our lives.
IT: Do you limit TV, video games?
JN: We don’t play video games, occasionally on Iphone but Bianca likes to draw she used to introduce herself “hi I’m Bianca, I’m an artitst she likes to write poetry. Sometime we’ll watch Animal Planet or sometimes Nogin, but only on the weekends.
IT: What is your favorite time of the day?
JN: Anytime that we’re all together the three of us.
IT: Are you prepared for a disaster, do you have a plan for where to meet or a go bag?
JN: I have a my crank & solar powered radio with phone charger &
we are set to meet at home.
IT: Favorite movie, book, car, shoes, actor, music?
JN: Books, it used to me any manual, I love to learn how things work. The Green Collar Economy by Van Jones, In fiction The Emperor of Ocean Park by Stephen Carter, also the Cornel West Reader.
IT: What’s your secret to a good marriage?
JN: I asked my dad some secrets of marriage, what helped you have this great relationship with mom & he said “communication”. He said “the most important courses you could take in university no matter what profession you might end up in would be a speech course” it’s probably the most important course you should be taking” he said If you can feel comfortable speaking to one person or to a crowd of thousands and are able to stand there and talk about absolutely nothing but still be captivating and interesting to those people that that’s a skill that will transcend everything else no matter where you live in the world.
IT: What do you consider the most important thing that a father can teach a child, if you could choose one basic principle to share and pass down to your kid what would it be?
JN: “the world is yours” you’re a citizen of the world, is what my dad gave me that it’s bigger than your neighborhood, it’s not the block, for a lot of kids in New York it’s about the hood I’m gonna impress in the hood but it’s way past that. And your contribution should be for the betterment of everyone. What you do here will have an effect. And that you’re doing something that can touch someone in a positive way. My mom was always so supportive of whatever crazy idea I had growing up she’s always been there to facilitate my dreams with this “ you can do anything” attitude. She gave me unconditional love and the feeling that I could achieve whatever I wanted to do and that’s what I want to pass down to my kids.
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